I have Cara Bristol here today talking about chemistry in relationships and sharing an excerpt from her new Rod and Cane book: Reasonable Doubts. I just bought my copy and can't wait to read it!
Some define chemistry as a “spark.”
I think of it as “glue” that bonds two people together until they
can get to know each other in a deeper way and discover if true
compatibility exists. At least initially, chemistry is a
temporary, albeit powerful attractant.
I didn’t marry until I was 33 years
old. Between the ages of 18 and 33, I dated a lot, but most ended at
the first date because of a lack of chemistry. With only one
exception , all dates in which I had chemistry resulted in long term
relationships—and one in marriage.
When you meet someone with who you have
chemistry, there is physical awareness, of course, but also a
rapport, comfort instead of awkwardness, and an ease of
communication, all of which build and begin to solidify a
relationship. Chemistry is usually instantaneous—although
not always.
(When I first saw the man who would
become my husband, my exact thoughts were, “that’s the kind
of guy I could go for.” And then I talked to him, and the actual
attraction to him grew quickly. Our first date was the most
comfortable first date I’ve ever been on.)
Chemistry can develop over time.
People can begin as platonic friends, but then start “noticing”
the other person. But for chemistry to work, i.e. bond two people,
it must be mutual. It’s not always.
(I believe there is a chemistry to
platonic friendships as well. We have many acquaintances, but far
fewer friends. Some people we automatically “click” with and
others we don’t. The one’s we click with become our friends while
the others remain acquaintances).
Chemistry is so powerful, it can lead
people to make bad decisions such as get involved with individuals
who are wrong for them, remain in a bad relationships, or cheat on
spouses, break up families, and destroy a good marriages. (There are
other reasons for infidelity of course, but I think a common one is
that chemistry may wane in a marriage, and then a spouse develops
chemistry with someone else).
In Reasonable Doubts, widow Liz
Davenport thinks she knows what she wants when she starts to date
again. She wants a man like her late husband: an older, experienced
disciplinarian. But chemistry draws her to Grant Davis. He’s not
older. He’s no more experienced than she is, and he’s never
spanked a woman in his life. Against her rational judgment,
she gets involved with him.
How do you think chemistry affects a
relationship?
Reasonable Doubts
excerpt
“Let’s go.” Grant swatted her
ass. A wave of longing rolled through her like thunder traveling
across an open plain. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and
swayed. More. Please more.
But there wouldn’t be more, because
Grant wasn’t that way.
Why couldn’t he be a gentleman and a
spanker? Was she foolish to start a relationship with a man who could
give only half of what she needed? She’d never settled before. But
at the idea of walking away from Grant, a little pang shot through
her.
But maybe that ache afforded reason
enough to call it quits—get out now before she became more
attracted, more attached. She needed a man with the confidence to
take her in hand and provide what she needed without her having to
ask. A head of household who provided stability, structure, and
discipline. A mother-may-I guy would not fit the bill.
Grant was a nice man. A good man. They
had no commitments, but eventually she would meet someone who could
provide everything she needed, and she would move on. It wasn’t
right to use him to stave off the loneliness or to scratch an itch.
He deserved better.
“Hey…are you okay?” Grant settled
a gentle hand on her shoulder, and she realized a long moment had
passed since she’d agreed to leave.
Dating did not get easier when you got
older. If anything, it got more complicated. She took a deep breath
and turned. She didn’t want to disappoint him, to hurt him. She
liked him. Enjoyed his company, his conversation, his laugh.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t
do this.”
“If you’re not ready, we don’t
have to. I understand,” he said.
He didn’t understand. She would not
be ready, ever. Not with him. But the words to mark paid to their
fledgling relationship refused to leave her lips. Why did he have to
be so nice? Attractive. Sexy. Damn him!
“Why don’t we go have some tea and
dessert?” he suggested.
“All right,” she agreed, because
she couldn’t bring herself to ask him to take her home.
She slipped out of his sports coat and
felt an instant loss of warmth. “Thank you.” She returned it,
giving back more than his jacket.
“Are you sure? It’s still chilly in
here.”
The only thing she was sure about was
how confused she was. “I’m good. Thank you.”
Grant shrugged into his jacket, and
they exited the gallery. Misery thickened Liz’s throat, but she
held her head high as they strolled down the corridor. They avoided
the crowded elevator for the empty stairwell. Liz started to descend
the steps, but Grant stopped her on the landing. He lightly gripped
her upper arms.
“Listen,” he said. “I’m
attracted to you, and I want to sleep with you. But it has to be
right. You were married a long time, and this is a big step. We’ll
take it at your pace. I’m sorry if I came on too strong.”
He brushed his thumb over her face, and
Liz realized she was crying. Her face heated with mortification.
“Hey….” He wrapped his arms
around her in a hug, and she hid her face against his neck. He
chuckled, a sound of such tenderness, Liz cried harder. “Sweetheart?”
Grant rocked her. “Tell me why you’re so upset.”
Because she wanted to sleep with
him, but she needed him to spank her. Because her emotions
were stronger than she’d thought. She craved discipline, but she
desired it from him. Grant had wrapped himself around her
heart the way his arms fit so snuggly around her shoulders.
“B-because…I don’t know. Because I’m crazy.”
“I like crazy women.”
“Nobody likes crazy women.”
“I like you.”
“Then you’re crazy.”
“See? We’re perfect for each
other.”
She smiled through her tears. A measure
of heartache receded, but confusion still reigned. “I’m a basket
case.”
“I like baskets.”
Laughter snorted out her nose. She
thumped his chest with her fist. “You’re too nice to me.” You
don’t make it easy.
Or maybe she complicated the
situation. She and Grant had connected. Perhaps she should get out of
her own way and let nature run its course. Stop analyzing and go with
the flow. Counselor, counsel thyself. Many friends had sought
her advice, used her as a sounding board to work through relationship
woes. She could read people and had an instinct for who would be good
together. How many couples had she matched up over the years? Dozens,
probably. But her life was a mess. A turmoil of conflicted emotion.
Fix me a spanking, won’t you,
darling?
Some people drank to calm their nerves.
Others exercised or meditated. She’d been spanked. So many times,
after a grueling day at work, Otis had taken one glance at her and
taken her in hand.
Spank me, Grant.
“Can I reconsider?” she asked.
“Reconsider?” he raised his
eyebrows.
“I’d like to sleep with you.
Tonight,” she said.
“You don’t have to do that. I can
wait,” he said, but a lopsided, hopeful smile slid across his face.
She shook her head. “I don’t want
to wait.”
As if he feared she might change her
mind again, he hustled her down the stairs.
Reasonable Doubts Blurb
Widow Liz Davenport assumes when she
begins to date, her new man will be like her late husband--a member
of the Rod and Cane Society and an experienced disciplinarian who can
provide her with loving guidance she requires to feel grounded and
secure. So why is she attracted to Grant Davis, an ex-Naval JAG
officer who works for her nemesis and has never spanked a woman in
his life?
Events in his recent past have forced
Grant to take stock of his life and try some new things. But spank a
woman? He’s never considered that before, but with Liz’s
coaching he’s willing to try.
But when the past collides with the
present, will he be able to step up and become the disciplinarian Liz
needs?
Prizes,
Prizes!
How
would you like to become card-carrying member of the Rod and Cane
Society? To receive a membership card, leave a comment for Cara about
Reasonable
Doubts
or this blog AND your email address in the body of your comment. Cara
will contact you to arrange to send you a membership card. This is
not
a drawing. Everyone
who posts a comment with an email address can receive a card—as
long as supplies last. In addition, by commenting on this blog and
leaving an email address, you’ll be entered into a drawing for Rod
and Cane coffee mug.
