There have been plenty of occasions where nothing seemed to improve my mood better than some sex. Okay, to be real, it was the spanking that came with the sex, but one normally leads to the other around here and I think the whole package usually helps to snap me out of whatever funk I happen to be in.
My husband doesn't seem to mind. He doesn't like it when I cry. It makes him feel helpless if something is bothering me and he can't fix it. But sex, that he can do!
I think I read somewhere in Cosmo or something (so obviously it was very scientific) that couples who have angry sex aren't really helping their relationship. I think the article was focusing more on arguing, like if you are in the middle of a huge argument and the way you solve it is by tearing each other's clothes off and going to town- you haven't really solved anything.
You're both probably in a way better mood. But nothing got talked out, the problem is still there.
But I think there is something to be said for angry sex. Or really any kind of emotional release.
We have never really had angry sex that was caused by an argument. We don't really argue, so we never get to the level of anger that it explodes into something else.
There have been plenty of times though where I have been emotional. Angry, upset, anxious- you name it, and felt like I just needed a release, I needed something. It becomes a bit more urgent on my end and I never really understood what it was like for my husband.
Until the other night...
What do you do when your spouse deletes an entire website he has been working on for days?
He started dropping f-bombs and making inhuman noises- and since there were no sports happening on the TV I figured it was something computer related. He explains to me in broken, incomplete, non-sensical sentences that the website he was building just vanished.
I tried to keep all of my helpful questions to myself: "What do you mean vanished?" "Can't you just undo what you did?" "Why didn't you back it up?"
Okay, one or two of these may have slipped out, but I recognize them for the very unhelpful questions that they are. So I eventually just gave him some space to figure it out and started trying to think of ways to salvage our night.
We had been planning on some spanky panky- but I can see our plans going up in smoke- poof! And I am okay with that, sometimes real life gets in the way.
A few minutes later he turns to me and says, "This is your 15 minute warning. Then you need to go upstairs and find your plug."
All authoritative, very sexy, and completely turning me on. It also had me thinking for a minute that he was mad at me, he still sounded way angry.
I replied that I didn't know we were still fooling around- in the wake of the computer malfunction. And was informed, yes, things were definitely happening, and I better just be ready.
15 minutes later (because I may be late for lots of things- but I know what to show up on time for)- I am standing in the bedroom in a sexy bra and thong with the plug laying out on the bed.
He comes into the room and he's all over me. Intense and focused are two words that come to mind. I am having trouble keeping up- his hands are all over me, his mouth, his tongue.
Then he pushes me roughly over the side of the bed. Oh yes, the plug, right, we came up here to do something. But he starts spanking me, hard. Harder than I ever remember. And I can't help but think it's because he is still pretty angry.
Not at me, thankfully, but just frustrated, and hey, maybe it is helping him to get those frustrations out. It's turning me on in the process, so it was a pretty good win-win situation.
Our night was full of rough, kinky sex, and another pretty hard spanking (hand and riding crop).
I know I was not frustrated about anything after that. And he seemed to mellow out about the website thing (he also figured out how to re-do what he had already done, so it was fine in the end).
I think it was just nice to realize that I am not the only one around here who needs some help finding a release once in a while.
And if we can figure out how to work out our frustrations together, then we probably have a pretty good thing going on.