Thursday, September 26, 2013

When We Made It Legal

Mr. McKay doesn't like public displays of affection... well on the internet at least. He's never pushed me off of him when I grope him in public.

Today is our anniversary and I am a 'shout it from the rooftops' sort of girl, because I sort of dig him.

So as I would completely embarrass him if I posted a gushing 'how much I love him' post on any of my “real” stuff, you get to be subjected here (he said it was okay, because he doesn't know you people).

I was going to say we have had four glorious years of marriage so far. But that would be a total lie. So, we have had four years of marriage so far. And they have been trying, with bits of fun interspersed.

I will tell you this, they would have been completely unbearable if I did not have him to wake up to every morning, or go to sleep with every night. Someone told us these trying years were character building, they would make us or break us. I am happy to say we are far from broken and I am only more convinced we were made for each other. I think as long as we keep finding each other funny we'll be fine.

Okay, enough mush. Let me tell you how this almost didn't end up being our anniversary- because we weren't quite sure we were legally married.

Our officiant was a recovering alcoholic/bartender that my husband used to work with. He was ordained online and had only performed a boat blessing before marrying us. He is still the most positive and just genuinely awesome guy I ever met- and he also looked legit enough for the parents and grandparents. We threw him a hundred bucks and told him to bring his wife with him to our reception. Our friends affectionately dubbed him Kato Kaelin (there are remarkable similarities in appearance).

We nervously had a conversation a few days before about what we would do if it wasn't actually legal. We decided we would just go to the court house and get married again in secret...

I remember thinking at the time that this was our first big decision we were making as a newly (almost) married couple. We both saw the importance in having our family and friends present while we made vows to each other. But whether it was technically 'legal' or not was a non-issue to both of us. All in all, it is just a piece of paper, it did not make anything between us more real- it just made us able to share health insurance and make filing our taxes confusing.

I will never forget the look on the woman's face at town hall when I went to request a copy of our marriage certificate. She said she found it and asked how many copies I wanted, my response was “For real? You have it?”

She was pretty confused, and I hope she wasn't looking out the window when I was jumping around in the parking lot calling my newlywed husband on my cell phone to tell him we were indeed newlywed!

Now for your listening enjoyment, the song we danced to for our official “First Dance”

I left it all up to Mr. McKay- he's the music nerd, I'm the book nerd.

And Mr. McKay- if you ventured over to read this- Thanks for making me feel like a lucky girl every day. You're a pretty cool dude to spend forever with.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Sext Me Like You Mean It

Do you all know what Sexting is? A combination of Sex and Texting. I think it's something that mothers of teenage children live in fear of. But for two consenting adults it is a fun way to spend the afternoon.

I'd like to share some helpful tips on sexting that I have collected over the years.

  1. Make sure you have the correct recipient.

There is nothing worse than accidentally sending a suggestive text to “Dad” when you really meant to send it to “Dan”. On this point, I cannot stress enough, check, double check, triple check before hitting send.

  1. Keep it light.

If you regularly text with your significant other throughout the day the texts you exchange can possibly run towards the mundane. “What's for dinner?” and “Did we pay the electric bill?” happen to be two popular texts around here. It can be a bit jarring to go from discussing picking up rolls for hamburgers to “I want to screw until we can't walk.”- It's a weird segue.

Sticking to things like “Can't wait to see you later.” and “I've been thinking about you all day.” are safer approaches. Then you can lead into racier things.

  1. Be mindful of where your recipient is.

My husband used to work from home. I took this as an opportunity to completely uncensor myself when sending him sexts. I knew he was sitting by himself in our house. It's different now when he could be in a meeting, or going into a meeting- that would be a badly timed boob pic. Which leads me into...

  1. Make sure you have the correct recipient.

It's worth repeating.

   5. Picture texting- it's not just for sunsets and tweeting your meal anymore.

I think a lot of people are misusing their camera phones in this day and age. Yes, that sunset is amazing! Yes, I wish I was at this restaurant with you too! But I like to use mine in the way God intended, for sending pictures of myself to my husband. As I mentioned above- a boob pic might not be the best idea if you know he is out around other people. But how about a glimpse of your hip catching the side of your lace panties? Anyone looking over his shoulder might not even register what it is. And if the nosy coworker presses, your signifcant other could always respond “Fabric sample. We're having new curtains made for the sitting room.” Sure! You have a sitting room now, because you are ultra classy and would never be sending pics of your panties to your husband at work.

    6. Plan Ahead.

Do you live in the real world where you can't request off from work for every birthday, anniversary, Valentine's Day, Arbor Day, Groundhog's Day? Then load up some saucy pics into your drafts before you leave for the day. Getting the right lighting and the right angle can be crucial, so give yourself some time, lock yourself in the bathroom with your phone and snap away!

Tip: Later on, let him think you actually did take that naughty pic in the bathroom at work. Don't wreck the illusion by saying “Are you nuts? I took that at 6:30 this morning before we left for work!”   

     7. Make sure you have the correct recipient.

If you remember nothing else, please remember this!

    8. Timing is everything.

I would suggest saving really racy stuff for later in the day. More of an afternoon pick me up and building of anticipation. If you head right out of the gate with a full on boob picture at 9:30 in the morning, you're just being mean- now you both still have the bulk of your day to get through. You may just end up getting cranky and more irritable as the day wears on.

You know that time of day, after lunch, when you need that afternoon caffeine shot to get you through the rest of the afternoon. This is the perfect time for sexy pics. No one was going to get anymore work done anyway, now you have 2-3 hours tops to fantasize before you can both get home to seal the deal.

  1. Make sure you have the correct recipient.

Remember, I said triple check.

  1. Mutual consent.

As with any kinky thing, this is best to do with a willing partner. If you are married or in a committed relationship, chances are this person will not have you arrested for sending suggestive texts to them. But if you are on more casual terms, or hoping to break the ice, perhaps you should stick to the more mundane for now.

And please, do not text and drive. It's hard to get kinky in a full body cast.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Round Table Discussion- Submission

Welcome to the second installment of the Round Table Discussion. So glad you decided to stop by! When you are done here please visit the main page on Spanking Romance and check out what everyone else is saying!

Submission- the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

This is the definition I got when I typed 'submission' into my google search bar. For whatever reason the terms 'superior force' and 'authority' make me tingly and I feel pretty safe in saying that I am not the only one who possesses this on button.

For me, I think submission is tied into the whole spanking kink that I have. Spanking is my thing, my ultimate fantasy, my immediate turn on, but I think it is part of a bigger whole of a Dominance and Submission thing. I'm not saying that I would want to be someone's sex slave and completely dominated 24/7- although, wait, I just let my mind wander there for a second and it was hot.

What I am saying is I don't mind a little dominance in my life from time to time, and in the bedroom, yes, I would like this ALL the time.
We don't practice Domestic Discipline, or have a D/s relationship. I like things on the kinky side and my husband is open minded and daring enough to indulge me. But how to you get someone to dominate you? I guess it helps to start off with a partner who likes to be in charge. The same controlling, stubbornness that makes me want to knock my head into a wall (or throw a remote) in real everyday life, is the same force that can have me weak at the knees in the bedroom.

But how to bring this up without sounding like a complete nut? “Hey, remember earlier when I was driving and you kept telling me I was: going the wrong way/speeding/not paying attention/making illegal turns? And I told you to shut your mouth, I knew what I was doing? Well, why don't we do that again, only naked, and not in the car?” Yeah, I know, it makes me sound like an insane person.

Asking him to spank me was one thing (I mean a very big, very scary thing), but I feel like trying to get him to take a more dominant role is trickier. It also doesn't even make sense, you can't make someone be dominant- it sort of defeats the purpose- like topping from the bottom. Also, trying to talk about it gets us nowhere. When I mention things like 'dominant' and 'submissive' my husband takes this to mean 'being an asshole' and 'being a pushover'. (And if you were wondering, yes, me telling him I thought he had a natural dominant nature made him think I was calling him an asshole- so that went over well.) Obviously we are not speaking the same language on this matter.

So in an effort to get over the weird bedroom talk such as :
Hubby: What should we do tonight?
Me: Spank me?
Hubby: Yeah, if that's want you want.
Me: Maybe some anal. If you want?
Hubby: Of course, if that's what you want.
Me: Yeah, I mean, whatever you want.
This does not turn me on. It just makes me think, is this what we both want? And we get back on that circular talk again. Then I just want to go to sleep, or scream into my pillow in frustration, who even cares anymore?

I have started to just be more submissive from the get go. I don't know why I didn't think of this before. If I am already giving over my submission, it really leaves no choice but for him to be more dominant. Otherwise we would both just be laying there staring at each other, which gets sort of creepy and uncomfortable.

The culmination of this 'being more submissive experiment', in my opinion, was the butt plug at Targetincident. Because really what turned me on about this was my husband's dominance over the whole matter. It wasn't the butt plug, which started out hot, but got sort of uncomfortable and too much to take halfway through the trip. It was the events of leading up to the experience. The part that sent me over the edge and I found the hottest of this whole thing was him putting my clothes back in place and zipping and buttoning my jeans.

I remember thinking about it the day after, and that being my favorite part, and I am still trying to figure out why. It just made me feel taken care of. Like I had given up control over the whole situation and if my jeans were going to get buttoned- it had to be done by him (and thankfully he did, because that would have been an interesting shopping experience).

Also while we were out. Yes, the ever present butt plug was there, but my husband was by my side checking in with me. “You okay? Is it too much?” “Tell me if we need to leave.” It was just a different experience, our normal trips to Target we lose each other somewhere between the cereal aisle and the electronics section. This time, we were stuck together, we were in on a secret no one else was privy to. We were both anticipating getting home and getting on with more fun things!

In a nutshell, what I think the thing about submission is- is the trust. Giving yourself over completely to someone else's control and trusting that they will keep your best interests in mind.

Maybe I won't complain the next time he criticizes my driving, I'll just be thankful he's looking out for me... and maybe make him promise to spank me for speeding ;)

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

The Threat

Let me give you a little back story, a lead up to this epic threat I am about to share.

This past winter I threw myself into the world of spanking fiction author-dom. “I can do this.” I said. “This will be so much fun.” I said. “This is the outlet I am looking for!”

And I did and it was and it is. My husband was super supportive, he figured out all the techy stuff, just let me do my thing. Made me an awesome cover, uploaded my book, helped me to figure out my marketing.

Then I started book #2, then I stopped, then I switched to another idea, then I stopped. Then I came up with a third idea- decided to stick with the second. Completely revamped second idea. I literally have made zero progress for months...

My husband is nice, supportive, asks me what I think is going wrong. Well, I've been busy, I've been distracted, I've been stressed (turns out I am super good at excuses and validating my non-productiveness).

He tried to help me come up with a better writing schedule, he tried to help me stick to said writing schedule. Turns out I get very defensive when someone else is trying to tell me when I 'should' be writing.

Finally, I got the “If you're doing this, then do it. There is no can't, just do it” lecture. I was blinking back tears- I asked him why he was being so mean. (I realize this was unfair of me, I was pretty much begging him to support me and keep me on track and then he gets real with me and I cry.)

But you know what? I buckled down and got to writing... for like a week. And then I was back to being busy, and distracted, and stressed- and I have all these other ideas, if I just maybe quit this one book, then I can- Oh, wait, I see what I am doing here.

Saturday we had another 'talk' then came the threat. We set a time frame, some goals, figured out some marketing, and then-

“I'm just not going to spank you until your book's done.”

What?? My head whips around, he's not serious, right?

My husband has said repeatedly that he doesn't think Domestic Discipline would work for a spanko like me, you know, because I like getting spanked.

Didn't he just reverse it though? He's still using spanking as a punishment, but he's keeping it from me!

I feel like we are celebrating Opposite Day over here, nothing is what it seems.

I'm feeling strangely motivated to write though...

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Romantic Letter Writing

I came home from work the other day and found this post it stuck on the bathroom mirror.

My husband wasn't even home, so obviously I didn't listen to the note, because who was I getting naked for? I did turn around and go back into the bedroom to find myself some sexier underwear.

I met him at a friends house later on in the day and when we were alone whispered to him that I got his note.
“You did? I thought you'd at least send me a picture.”
I laughed at this. My husband receiving a naked selfie of me while he was sitting on our friends' couch watching football with them and their 3 year old? He's a nut.
I told him I did put on some sexy underwear. Which lead to him grabbing and groping me every chance he could get when no one was looking. (Or perhaps they were looking and we are just those weird married friends that can't stop touching each other.)

I keep coming back to the note though. As silly and seemingly unromantic as it sounds- it gave me the flutters. 1. He was thinking about me while we were apart, not only thinking about me, but thinking about me naked. 2. He was telling me something might happen between us later on that night.

I love the anticipation and the build up to the moment.

I was reading this book about the Victorian Era in England and there was a whole chapter about letter writing. Specifically about people corresponding with the people they were having extra-marital affairs with. If you get past the whole 'extra-marital affair' thing it is actually really romantic. I understand they were writing letters because it was their only form of communication. But I feel like you can convey so much more in the written word that you might be too timid to say in person.

Personally, I feel like my husband and I communicate more through text, emails, and notes than we might in speaking. But we have always been like this, maybe because of the generation we are from. When we were dating in high school we passed notes in the hallway. College we had instant messenger and email. We broke up for a while and rekindled our relationship through email. It was safer, I wasn't up to a face to face rejection- but a simple “Hey, I'm around if you want to meet up,” seemed to be a good ice breaker. It gave us the space to talk things out before we jumped back into a friendship and a possible relationship again.

The night before our wedding, my husband wrote me a letter. I still think this was the most romantic gesture ever, it came right from his heart and it makes me tear up every time I read it. I of course was up half the night making a home made guest book and stressing about a possible zit out break on my chin- so my romantic letter writing gesture was not returned until a few weeks later.

We don't make a habit of romantic letter writing, our wedding was four years ago and that was the last time either of us wrote the other a letter. Our post- it notes and sexting may not be as romantic as Victorian letter writing, but it's what makes us Us.

Odes and poems rhyming eye color with various feelings might be some girls' cup of tea, but I'll take a random “Wanna bang?” text any day of the week!  

Friday, September 6, 2013

Round Table Discussion- A First Spanking

I've always been intrigued/ turned on by the thought of a spanking, being spanked, the threat of being spanked. I always found it hot and just the thought of it can give me the tingles.
What's a girl to do with this closet kink? How does it turn from a closet kink to something active in my relationship with my husband? When do I stop thinking of it as a dirty, little, secret kink?

I was trying to compile my thoughts on this and realized some things may have happened a bit backwards. Like for instance, my big outpouring confession of coming out of the spanking closet to my husband actually came after I had already asked him to spank me.

My husband opted not to have a bachelor party. He was working in the music industry at the time and was forced to spend many late nights listening to horrible bands at big, crowded venues, so he said he would much rather spend a quiet night at home in our new place with me. I felt a bit guilty because I had a bachelorette party, and it just didn't seem quite fair to me. I promised him I would plan something and make it the best bachelor party anyone ever had.

I was not taking into account that this was the week of my wedding, we had just moved, and I really gave myself no time to plan. The day of, I think I bought a giant bottle of whiskey and dug out some lingerie I hadn't worn in a while. Throw in watching some internet porn and you have yourself a home made bachelor party.

The stress, lack of sleep, working, wedding stuff, moving, and family drama sort of all culminated and we ended up getting hammered. Both of us, which is rare and this might be the first and last time that it happened.

Somehow in my drunken state I communicated to my husband that I wanted him to spank me and he acquiesced. I also gave him things to spank me with- a hair brush and a wooden spoon.(I am still blushing at my forwardness.) From what I remember it was amazing. I mean as much as two drunk people participating in a first spanking can make it. The next day I woke up with a monster hang over and giant bruises on my ass. My husband felt awful. He clearly was not comfortable with the whole experience. I didn't mind the bruises, I actually felt like they were some sort of naughty secret I was hiding. The only thing that royally sucked was I was getting married in 3 days and 4 girls would be helping me get dressed. To this day I have no idea if any of them saw the purplish bruises peeking out from my underwear. If they did no one said anything. I honestly don't know what I would have answered.

This was our big spanking experiment, and nothing else of the sort happened for another two years. I remember sitting in our living room, my husband was watching television and I was reading and it hit me. I will be married to this man for the rest of my life. That's a long time to not be having the kind of sex I want. I don't know why it took me two years to have that thought. Not that the sex was bad, but it was never quite as kinky as I wanted it to be, or as it was in my head. And I thought about that one spanking we had together all-the-time! Chances are anytime we were fooling around that was replaying in my head, but I never brought it up.

So I confessed about all the smut on my kindle. My obsession with reading spanking stories. The fact that I really wanted him to spank me again. This was all met with mild amusement. The relief that flooded me, I felt so much freer. I also felt like I really underestimated him and his reaction. I mean I was still me, the same person, just a little kinkier, asking for some different needs to be met.
I thank him all the time for being understanding. He thinks I'm crazy for thinking he wouldn't be. But I'm sure it happens. I'm sure one half of a couple tries to come out of the kink closet and they are shot down. I'm just glad it didn't happen to me.

Thanks for stopping by for my first Round Table Discussion post! Please check out the other author's links on Spanking Romance take part in the rest of the discussion :)