Welcome to the second installment of the Round Table Discussion. So glad you decided to stop by! When you are done here please visit the main page on Spanking Romance and check out what everyone else is saying!
Submission- the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.
This is the definition I got when I typed 'submission' into my google search bar. For whatever reason the terms 'superior force' and 'authority' make me tingly and I feel pretty safe in saying that I am not the only one who possesses this on button.
For me, I think submission is tied into the whole spanking kink that I have. Spanking is my thing, my ultimate fantasy, my immediate turn on, but I think it is part of a bigger whole of a Dominance and Submission thing. I'm not saying that I would want to be someone's sex slave and completely dominated 24/7- although, wait, I just let my mind wander there for a second and it was hot.
What I am saying is I don't mind a little dominance in my life from time to time, and in the bedroom, yes, I would like this ALL the time.
We don't practice Domestic Discipline, or have a D/s relationship. I like things on the kinky side and my husband is open minded and daring enough to indulge me. But how to you get someone to dominate you? I guess it helps to start off with a partner who likes to be in charge. The same controlling, stubbornness that makes me want to knock my head into a wall (or throw a remote) in real everyday life, is the same force that can have me weak at the knees in the bedroom.
But how to bring this up without sounding like a complete nut? “Hey, remember earlier when I was driving and you kept telling me I was: going the wrong way/speeding/not paying attention/making illegal turns? And I told you to shut your mouth, I knew what I was doing? Well, why don't we do that again, only naked, and not in the car?” Yeah, I know, it makes me sound like an insane person.
Asking him to spank me was one thing (I mean a very big, very scary thing), but I feel like trying to get him to take a more dominant role is trickier. It also doesn't even make sense, you can't make someone be dominant- it sort of defeats the purpose- like topping from the bottom. Also, trying to talk about it gets us nowhere. When I mention things like 'dominant' and 'submissive' my husband takes this to mean 'being an asshole' and 'being a pushover'. (And if you were wondering, yes, me telling him I thought he had a natural dominant nature made him think I was calling him an asshole- so that went over well.) Obviously we are not speaking the same language on this matter.
So in an effort to get over the weird bedroom talk such as :
Hubby: What should we do tonight?
Me: Spank me?
Hubby: Yeah, if that's want you want.
Me: Maybe some anal. If you want?
Hubby: Of course, if that's what you want.
Me: Yeah, I mean, whatever you want.
This does not turn me on. It just makes me think, is this what we both want? And we get back on that circular talk again. Then I just want to go to sleep, or scream into my pillow in frustration, who even cares anymore?
I have started to just be more submissive from the get go. I don't know why I didn't think of this before. If I am already giving over my submission, it really leaves no choice but for him to be more dominant. Otherwise we would both just be laying there staring at each other, which gets sort of creepy and uncomfortable.
The culmination of this 'being more submissive experiment', in my opinion, was the butt plug at Targetincident. Because really what turned me on about this was my husband's dominance over the whole matter. It wasn't the butt plug, which started out hot, but got sort of uncomfortable and too much to take halfway through the trip. It was the events of leading up to the experience. The part that sent me over the edge and I found the hottest of this whole thing was him putting my clothes back in place and zipping and buttoning my jeans.
I remember thinking about it the day after, and that being my favorite part, and I am still trying to figure out why. It just made me feel taken care of. Like I had given up control over the whole situation and if my jeans were going to get buttoned- it had to be done by him (and thankfully he did, because that would have been an interesting shopping experience).
Also while we were out. Yes, the ever present butt plug was there, but my husband was by my side checking in with me. “You okay? Is it too much?” “Tell me if we need to leave.” It was just a different experience, our normal trips to Target we lose each other somewhere between the cereal aisle and the electronics section. This time, we were stuck together, we were in on a secret no one else was privy to. We were both anticipating getting home and getting on with more fun things!
In a nutshell, what I think the thing about submission is- is the trust. Giving yourself over completely to someone else's control and trusting that they will keep your best interests in mind.
Maybe I won't complain the next time he criticizes my driving, I'll just be thankful he's looking out for me... and maybe make him promise to spank me for speeding ;)