Living in the Future

I forgot how to use a bank teller. I mean, I understand how to use a bank and to bank with an actual human, but I haven't in maybe five or six years. I use the ATM and I do everything else online. But I had all these singles and a roll of quarters from a yard sale we had and I was actually sitting on the couch wondering how I was going to deposit the cash.

I had to refresh my memory about how to use the bank. I filled out a deposit slip and everything and I still had a mini panic attack while I was there that I had done something wrong and the woman was going to tell me I couldn't deposit my money (I don't know in what parallel universe I just thought the bank would refuse my money, but it was a niggling thought).

It made me start to take into account the way life is today. We have a lot of technology at our disposal. We communicate and build friendships over social media and the internet. But in the process have we forgotten how to do everyday things?

Mr. McKay and I went out for a bite to eat recently. We sat at the bar because the restaurant was crowded and we were starving. A woman across the bar looked vaguely familiar to me, while I was trying to place her and act like I wasn't staring, she waved and smiled at me. I froze for a few seconds like I didn't know how to act like a human. If someone says hi to you, you should say hi back. Even if you aren't sure where you know them from or what they want from you. After a few awkward moments, it clicked that we had gone to high school together, but the embarrassing part was I'm friends with her on Facebook and had chatted with her recently. Yes, it is understandable that I didn't recognize her right away, but I could have been a little less weird about thinking that I knew her. 

I prefer to buy things online. I hate traffic. I hate going to the store. I hate shopping. At the food store I'll opt for the self-checkout. I have no patience for the person in front of me who decided to use the self-checkout but then needs to call someone over to help because they don't know how to ring up their own produce. This is not making my shopping experience quicker!

But when did I become such a jerk? When did the world turn into a bunch of jerks who don't have enough time for human interaction? 

I work in retail during the hours of my boring day job. 80% of the people I encounter don't speak to me in complete sentences. They don't make eye contact. They huff and sigh when the credit card machine doesn't work quick enough or my register runs out of receipt tape. Most of the time they don't end their phone call while they try to speak to me and the person on the phone simultaneously. It's annoying and frustrating.

My favorite time of day to work is early in the morning. On a week day before 10am, when the senior citizens come out. They ask me for help in finding things. They take five times as long at the register because they write out a check (who uses checks anymore?). They make eye contact when they speak to me and seem genuinely surprised when I strike up a conversation with them. They apologize for being slow and thank me for my patience. When did the world turn into a place where you have to thank people for not rushing you? I tell them I don't mind because I get paid by the hour (old men think that joke is hilarious). They tell me to have a good day and I actually believe that they mean it. 

It reminds me that it's okay to talk to the person in front of me at the self-check out. I know where the button is for cubanelle peppers so why wouldn't I share that information? And it's okay to ask the bank teller if I filled my deposit slip out correctly, even if I am a little embarrassed that I'm in my 30's and seem to have forgotten this life skill. It's okay because she's a human and I smiled and said thank you. And I told her I liked her earrings because they were cute. My laptop never wears cute earrings. 

I might forget once in a while, but in between rushing from point A to point B, I'm going to try to remember how to be a human. 

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New Year, New You? Probably Not.

I will take this moment to wish all of you a Happy and Healthy New Year, because that is what you do at the beginning of the new year, right? But does that mean that I don't care if you're happy and healthy in July? I mean I guess the January wish is supposed to carry through all year long. I'm just saying, just because it's the dawn of the new year doesn't mean anything has changed. 

I want my friends and family to always be healthy and happy.

I'm not a resolution person, mostly for this reason. The same reason why I don't believe in diets or any other kind of "Change your life overnight!" thing. It's crap. 

It is a new year, yes, technically, it is a new beginning. But we're all the same people we were two days ago. Nothing is going to change just because we wish it will. 

I am an optimistic person by nature, I don't want anyone to think I'm being negative here. I guess I'm just being realistic. Yes, I also thought, "Goodbye 2016! You sucked. I'm not sad to see you go. 2017 will be so much better!"

Then today, on January 2nd, I woke up with a crippling headache. I'm not surprised by this, I have been headache prone my entire life. Waking up with a headache is the worst. And mostly my first thought is always, "Shit, what did I drink last night??"

Truthfully, I did have a few beers yesterday and I had a headache all afternoon because once in a while a very hoppy beer will hit me the wrong way (yet, I still drink them, because who doesn't like a little Russian roulette to liven up their life?). 

I was headache free when I went to bed last night and then woke up with a beastly one. It's a sinus headache, it's pretty much under control now. There are still hoof beats in the background, but I'm not letting it ruin my day.

My point is—is 2017 off to a kick ass start? No. I spent all day yesterday exhausted because I only slept 5 hours the night before. Today, I have an awful headache. Does that mean my entire year is shot?

Well, let's hope not. But I fear a lot of my friends would think exactly that. At least judging by their ever hopeful facebook posts. 

It's a new year and it's a clean slate, but I'm still the same person. I'm still going to get headaches and not make it to the gym as much as I should. I'm still going to procrastinate. I'm still going to drink hoppy beers and then curse myself for it. 

But I'm also going to remember to enjoy the little things. I'm going to make time to see friends. I'm going to work out, not because I should but because I feel better when I do. I'm going to cook more with my husband because I love him and I love eating (best of both worlds). I'm going to continue setting goals for myself. 

But when I don't meet them I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm going to try harder.

It's not a new me, it's the same me. 

So, my friends, I wish you more good days than bad days. I hope you laugh more than you cry. I hope you discover what makes you happy and you hold onto it. I hope you remember that one day does not define you.

I hope in this new year that you are still the same you.

A Happy and Healthy everything to everyone! 

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The McKay's Summer Vacation

A trend that has involuntarily occurred since the beginning of our marriage is that we've never gone on vacation. We've had "staycations" which normally involve fun things like organizing closets. We've had weekend getaways, which most of the time isn't worth the fuss of packing and traveling, you're right back home before you know it. And lately, the new thing is going on trips that are all derby related. I'm not complaining about that, I love that my husband loves the sport I'm obsessed with, but they aren't really vacations.

This summer, we promised to take a trip down south to visit my inlaw's new house. They built a house to retire in, even though they are still living up here for now. So their gorgeous house snugged up against a golf course has become their vacation home for the time being. 

We went for six days and it was delightful. I never realized how important it was to get away for a bit. It also made me realize that you can take Mr. McKay and I out of our element, but that doesn't change us in the least. 

We were walking through an antique store with my mother in law—only it wasn't really an antique store, it was new stuff made to look old that gets sold to rich people. Anyway, for whatever reason there were giant bird cages in there. Mr. McKay made some comment to the effect of, "Casey doesn't like these." Gesturing at the assortment of cages. I thought he was referencing my fear of birds.

His mother ambled away browsing around and he tugged me toward an oversized cage that was probably about four feet high.

"What kind of bird would you put in there?" I asked. I realized it was probably just for decorative purposes, but I was having a hard time even visualizing what one would do with a four-foot tall bird cage.

"You could fit in there," he said. Then leaned in closer. "I could lock you up, it'd be kinky."

I whipped my head around to check the proximity of his mother and then punched him in the arm. He never fails to be amused by my talk of BDSM likes and dislikes. I've read books where submissives are locked in cages, and I get that it is a thing people like. I just don't think I ever would want that in real life. I brought this up to Mr. McKay one day. Not that I think he would ever ask to lock me in a cage, but just putting it out there that I'm not okay with it. 

He had so many questions. What was I reading? Where was this cage and how did this get brought up in the story? Now he just likes to tease me with this bit of information at inopportune moments, like say, when we're antiquing with his mother. 

Antique stores have a lot of weird things in them. It makes you wonder why people save certain things and why they think other people will want to buy the crap they held on to. 

Aside from antiquing, it was too hot to do anything of note except lay inside the air conditioning all day and then go out to dinner. So we mostly laid around, drank and watched the Olympics. Then went to dinner and drank some more. It was the perfect vacation!

There were a few things I learned:

1. Air mattresses are not meant for long term sleeping arrangements and will make you feel like you are 80 when you get up in the morning. 

2. The Olympics make me cry, from the little touching stories they put together of the Olympians, to an underdog winning gold, to the medal ceremonies. I teared up too many times to count.

3. I like grits. And shrimp and grits are my new favorite thing!

4. Doing nothing on vacation away from home is far more relaxing than doing nothing in your own house.

5. I can map out an entire book on a nine hour car ride home. I think I remembered most of it too!

Anyone do anything fun this summer? The season is rapidly drawing to close. I like the fall and everything but it always makes a little sad to see the summer come to an end.

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When Kinksters Sell Their Houses

Lately, I have been into home improvement shows and house hunting shows. We probably are nowhere close to owning our own house, but I love looking at the houses other people might buy. Sometimes they are in an interesting city. Sometimes they are such complete weirdos we spend the whole time making fun of the people on the show. 

It's the little things. 

Mr. McKay gets roped into watching these shows with me occasionally, he might even admit he likes them.

Anyway, the other night when we were having dinner we were watching some show about house hunting in Alaska. Very cool. I will probably never make it to Alaska, so I may as well check out three houses some couple may or may not buy when looking to relocate there. 

Their budget was like 2 million dollars or something and the houses they were looking at were huge and on acres of land or on a lake. I got up to refill my glass of water and Mr. McKay yells from the next room, "A sex room! These people have a sex room!"

Say what?

When I come back in, he's paused the show (the wonders of modern technology). "Like a BDSM dungeon?"

"Well, it's empty, because the people aren't living there. But look, this is a sex room, what else would you call this?"

He starts it up and the realtor brings this couple into the master bedroom. It's gorgeous and spacious, there are big windows with views. He opens the door to a massive walk-in closet. And then, oh look, enter the closet and walk to the back, there's another door. It opens to a room behind the master bedroom. The only way in or out is through the door in the closet. 

It's like Narnia up in here.

I'm all, "Whaat?"

He's like, "I know, right?" With a giant grin on his face. "That could be useful."

"Is it soundproofed?" I want to know. Why aren't these people asking the realtor the right questions? A list of things runs through my head. Is this room soundproofed, are these beams in the ceiling decorative or can they bear weight? How close are the neighbors exactly?

The wife seems a bit put off by this mystery room. She calls it odd and says she doesn't understand. The husband declares he can make it a man cave. Really dude? A man cave? You're both unadventurous idiots. And really, you're going to put a pool table in there and then invite your guy friends up to your bedroom to walk through your closet? Okay.

They go see some other house that was kind of boring and forgettable. Then house number three, again, into the master bedroom. The king size bed faces massive windows with a view of the gorgeous Alaskan scenery. And then you turn to look at the giant master bathroom. Which you can see into because there is a picture window separating the living space from the bathroom space.

http://mundo-gisele-morgado.tumblr.com/

A GIANT PICTURE WINDOW. Um, what?

Like, instead of a regular wall, just a wall of glass, bringing the bath tub, toilet, and shower into full view.

The realtor said it was so you could still see the view even from the bathroom. But I immediately had visions of some Alaskan rich dude with his sex slaves bathing for his pleasure (oh, like I'm the only one who went there?).

The couple said if they bought the house they would have to take that window out, which I can't blame them. I'm close to my husband and we share small quarters. It's inevitable that he would pop into the bathroom to get something while I am showering or brushing my teeth, but no one needs an up close view of anyone going about their business in the bathroom. That's why there are doors and locks. Even I have to draw the line in the kinky sand on that one.

This horribly bland couple bought the middle unforgettable house-- even though I was shouting "Sex room! Sex room!" from my couch, they didn't listen to me.

Things I learned from TV this week, some houses are built for kinky people. And Alaska might be the land of the kinksters.

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Things I Learned~ Holiday Weekend Edition

This past weekend Americans celebrated Independence Day in the way Americans celebrate things. A three day weekend with barbecues and fireworks.

This was actually the first 4th of July I had off in a long time, sure it was due to a broken ankle, but it was still nice to be able to enjoy the holiday.

I did learn some things this weekend. They don't have anything to do with Independence Day (or barbecues for that matter). I figured I would share what I learned.

1. No amount of liquor will make Hot Tub Time Machine 2 a good movie. 

I know this seems like a dumb statement. But I really, really liked the first one. And I don't mind sequels that are subpar—hence the booze, but it didn't even have a plot. It was awful.

2. The amount of liquor trying to make Hot Tub Time Machine 2 a good movie will give you a massive hangover.

I'm guessing not just me, it can happen to you too, be forewarned! I should have known, right? Chances are I will never learn. I turn 33 this month and pounding margaritas still seems like a good idea every so often. The hangover is never worth it, the bounce back period is getting longer. Damn you thirties, damn you!

3. Simple is better.

Our 4th of July celebration consisted of us, two friends and their son. We had hamburgers, hot dogs, and pasta salad. It was the best day I have had in a long time. We didn't even go out to see fireworks (they shoot them off all summer here, we will catch them at a later date).

4. The term 'big boned' might be a real thing.

You know when people are trying to be nice and they call someone big boned instead of fat? I'm starting to think that's a real thing. Not that some people actually have bigger bones, but I do think sometimes you just have a body type and no matter how much you exercise or diet you aren't really going to change. I've lost a ton of muscle mass in my leg after seven weeks of not using it. My right leg looks like a skinny chicken leg next to my left leg. But my knee is still the same size. Leading me to believe if I ever did go on some crazy crash diet I would look like a knobby-kneed freak. I do not have a skinny frame. I need the fat and muscle to look proportionate.

5. One of the world's most publicly out soccer team just won the World Cup?

It's a strange headline, right? I was very into the World Cup this year. And I was over the moon excited when the US team came out on top! Then this article from Outsports from May surfaced on my facebook feed. And I thought that it was pretty cool. The last time the US Women's Soccer team won the World Cup was in 1999. I was going into my senior year of high school. Nobody was out then, it wasn't widely accepted to be gay let alone broadcast it. Then I read the article and was surprised to find the US Team is considered one of the most openly gay because they have a lesbian head coach, and three lesbian players. It doesn't seem like very many, right? But I do think the fact that there is more publicity celebrating this fact than condemning it is a step in the right direction. And maybe one day when I am watching World Cup games with my kids this won't even be a headline. It will just be what it is without anyone talking about anyone's sexuality.  

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Things I Learned~ Winter Edition

Remember when I started that thing where I was posting what I learned every month? You don't? Yeah, I did it like twice... and since then I have started this post no less than 3 times. So now you get a "Things I Have Learned, Winter Edition"!

It encompasses the 3 months of winter (do not judge me- it's been a long, cold, lonely winter). Today happens to be the first day of spring. It is cold and snowy in these parts- I think Mother Nature needs a spanking.

Good Bye Winter! Hello, Spring!

I feel a little lame I could only think of 5 things for three months, but like I said- it's been rough and my brain may have frozen for a while.

1. You should watch your DVR recordings in a timely manner.

It seems like something small and inconsequential, until your DVR craps out and takes with it an entire season of Top Chef you were saving and three movies you had yet to get to. In the grand scheme of things, not the biggest deal, but still annoying enough to ruin your day.

2. I take a lot of pictures of my cats and my boobs.

Maybe it isn't something I 'learned' I'm sure I knew this is all I take pictures of. Sometimes the cats are doing the cutest things and sometimes I just need to take a new one of the girls to text to Mr. McKay. But then when your cell phone that you have had for far longer than a cell phone should live (six years, to be exact) decides to die and you need to delete your pics to send back to the insurance company it becomes scarily evident that you have turned into some sort of kinky cat lady who has nothing else to document in life. 

3. The cold will kill your car battery.

So I found out at about 6am one below zero morning. Thank god Mr. McKay works from home and I could take his truck. Also thankful that my brother works at an auto parts store and knows all about these car things. But still- this was a completely and utterly unwanted lesson in science at a very inopportune time.

(Has anyone noticed a theme of my winter? Creepy, right?)

4. Sometimes you think you know people.

Mr. McKay and I have had a group of friends for a really long time now. You would think after such a long time you would know people- or they would know you. But they still surprise me sometimes. Once in a while one of them will do or say something that makes me think "What the hell planet are you from?"

It leads me to wonder what they will eventually think when it comes out that I have been writing erotic romance and we've been publishing it. I waiver between thinking they will all be shocked, to they suspected all along. After all I am the kinky friend you direct all of you butt plug questions to, how much more of a stretch is penning smut?

5. It's really hard to stay positive all the time.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I did make a promise to myself to try to stay more positive this year. People who know me thought this was a little crazy because I am by nature an optimist. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl and I do like to think everything happens for a reason, even the bad stuff. But having a positive outlook doesn't necessarily mean I'm always positive about everything. I have lots of negative thoughts all day: I'll never get everything done. I can't do this. This will never happen. This is going to be the worst day ever. 

I thought maybe if I started eliminating these things from my everyday dialogue then I really would develop a more healthy attitude. It has worked in some aspects. But I find there are still a lot of times I just have too much to do, and I'm tired, and there aren't enough hours in the day! And maybe that is normal. I have stopped saying 'I can't' and am working more on 'I'll try' so maybe one day I will get to that place where I am not complaining about anything. I am being positive about that one ;)

That wraps up my lame 5 things. I was going to list "I hate cold weather" but it's not really anything new. I am so ready to move to a tropical island at this point.

Did any of you learn anything new lately? Please share!

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The Things I Learned This Month

I hope everyone had a happy New Year! I can barely believe it's 2015, I feel like I just got used to 2014.

I tried to keep a semblance of a list during the month of December of things I learned. Looking it over today I am laughing to see that I talk about tea and cats. You'd probably never guess I was a writer! (Well, I'm not talking about whiskey or fonts, so I guess I could be any regular person.)

Here is the grand list I compiled of Things I Learned in December:

1. You do not boil water to make green tea. 

I hope there is at least a handful of you that are as marveled by that fact as I am. The rest of you are all, "Oh, Casey, you uncultured swine." But really, I had no idea you prepared different teas differently. I thought you just boiled water for all of them and then steeped the tea and boom, you're done.  But my friend- she of The Bee's Teas- stopped by and of course we were making tea together. Okay we were making spiked teas with hot tea and liquor, because that's what you do around the holidays, and she pretty much looked at me like the uncultured swine that I am, and then shook her head and told me it would be okay- she would school me on the ways of the tea. (If you buy her tea she has easy brewing instructions included on all the pouches- it must be because she is friends with people like me.)

2. Being an adult is hard.

I mean, no one said it would be easy. And I guess technically I've been an adult since I was 18 so... 14 years now (side note- math is hard)? But I have just recently decided that I should be acting more adult-like in my day to day life. This started with organizing the overflow of clothes and clutter in our bedroom. This ended with our basement stairs separating from the wall as we carried large totes of clothes down them. I guess I could blame the original construction of the house we live in- the handyman said the stairs were never secured into the wall the correct way- but one could see how I could easily construe this as a direct result from trying to be an adult. For the record, I have not let it stop me, but if my salad spinner spontaneously combusts due to the higher usage as of late then I am going back to my juvenile ways...

3. Cats can get laryngitis.

What? Crazy, right? I would have thought this a completely bizarre fact if it hadn't have happened to one of my very own cats. My needy little orange cat who likes to let his presence be known by constantly chattering and crying at us came down with a hoarse cry. It was adorable as much as it was heartbreaking and both Mr. McKay and I freaked out a tiny bit (a shout out to my sweet, author facebook friends with all of their advice after I posted about my problem- special shout out to Ms. PK Corey who messaged me with some Veterinary advice). Just when we thought we would have to take him to the Vet his voice restored and he is annoying us at full volume now. I kind of miss the squeaky little raspy cry from before.

4. I am more of an air head than I originally thought.

The truth is, I don't reside on this planet often. My mind often wanders. One would think the writing would help, I have an outlet. But I think it's actually made it worse because now I feel justified in my checked out-ness. Sometimes I'll think about doing something: the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, putting on deodorant- and I can't remember later on if I actually did it, or just thought about doing it. Seems I did this with my eye doctor this year. You see, I got the little postcard in the mail reminding me to make an appointment. And I must have, right? But then I ran out of contacts (which I also didn't realize I had used the last pair and thrown the box away until I was ready to change them) when I called my eye doc they said the prescription had expired because I hadn't been in since 2013! How did that happen? 

5. We are on the Holiday card B-list.

A weird thing happened this year. We got an amazingly tiny amount of Christmas cards. Actually I just counted, we got eleven. The year after we got married I feel like we got a zillion. I am guessing everyone had our address on hand from the thank you notes I sent out. And that year I sent a card back to every single person that sent me one- it was a little overwhelming. The year after we got a little less and I scaled back my list some. But I want to say in the last 2-3 years I have sent out about 35 cards to friends and family. And really, I am not complaining- I don't do it just to get a card back. I really am sending them to people I want to wish a Merry Christmas to but don't get a chance to see in person. But are people just sending out less cards in general? Am I doing something so passe and untrendy that people get my "Cat Sitting Under a Tree of Twinkle Lights" card and they just pitch it in the trash? As I look at my display of received cards lots of people's smiling children look back at me. Maybe no one wants a card from me because I don't have smiling babies to stick on it? Well, whatever the reason I am still sending out my 35 highly untrendy cards out again next year, maybe I'll even add to it. I'll find 4 or 5 more saps to torture with my holiday delight!

Thanks for reading my rag tag list of things I learned this month. Did you learn anything this month that you can't believe you went your whole life not knowing?

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A New Month Begins~ Have I Gotten Any Wiser?

At the beginning of last month I did a little "Things I've Learned" wrap up of the month before. I decided to do it again, because after all 30 days have gone by and I do hope I have learned something.

I don't know if I was just not paying attention or if November was a boring month, but I had a hard time coming up with 5 things I learned...

Here goes, as boring as they may be:

1. I do not like pumpkin flavored anything. Apparently the new trend is to flavor everything with pumpkin spice- from coffee to beer (two of my favorite beverages) and I find it all positively disgusting. Please, for the love of humankind, stop doing this Beverage Makers!

2. A ganache is a fancy word for melted chocolate chips. I made a cake this month and did not have all the ingredients to make icing. Upon a quick google search I found a simple recipe to make a chocolate ganache. Who knew it was just chocolate chips and cream? I didn't.

(2a. A side note to the above fact- making a premixed, from the box, cake and covering it in a homemade ganache is a fantastic way to get back into your husband's good graces after you turned all hosebeast on him following a phone conversation with a family member. Displaced Anger+ Guilt Ganache= Marital Bliss)

3. You can't change the way people are, but you can control how you let them affect you. To be honest, this is something I knew in theory before this month- and it is easier said than done. But I feel like an instance in the past few weeks was one of the first times I successfully stepped back from a situation, recognized the craziness of the other person, and chose not to let it affect me. 

4. I cannot rush a story that is begging to be told. This month I tried and failed to write a shorter story to get out quickly. I mean I achieved writing it, but it felt wrong, like I was cutting off my best friend right before she told me the good parts in the story. Thankfully I have some good friends who told me I was selling myself short.

5. Cheap olive oil is sort of gross. Mr. McKay and I love Aldi- do you guys know of these food stores? Everything is super cheap and they have the best cheese. For reals! Their "Specially Selected Age Reserved White Cheddar" is fan-freaking-tastic! Pair that with some cracked pepper and olive oil Triscuits and I am a happy girl. Anyway, we were there cheese shopping and buying tortilla chips, just your basic essentials, and we picked up a small bottle of olive oil. Now olive oil can get sort of pricey, but this small bottle was very reasonable. We thought nothing of it because we had bought some there before, I guess the mistake was we had always cooked with it. On this fateful night I made some dressing with it for a pasta salad. It was gross, to say the least. I guess olive oil- especially when used for a dressing- is not something you want to skimp on. Lesson learned.

There you have it 5 (more like 5 and 1/2) sort of boring things I learned this month.

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