Lately, I have been into home improvement shows and house hunting shows. We probably are nowhere close to owning our own house, but I love looking at the houses other people might buy. Sometimes they are in an interesting city. Sometimes they are such complete weirdos we spend the whole time making fun of the people on the show.
It's the little things.
Mr. McKay gets roped into watching these shows with me occasionally, he might even admit he likes them.
Anyway, the other night when we were having dinner we were watching some show about house hunting in Alaska. Very cool. I will probably never make it to Alaska, so I may as well check out three houses some couple may or may not buy when looking to relocate there.
Their budget was like 2 million dollars or something and the houses they were looking at were huge and on acres of land or on a lake. I got up to refill my glass of water and Mr. McKay yells from the next room, "A sex room! These people have a sex room!"
When I come back in, he's paused the show (the wonders of modern technology). "Like a BDSM dungeon?"
"Well, it's empty, because the people aren't living there. But look, this is a sex room, what else would you call this?"
He starts it up and the realtor brings this couple into the master bedroom. It's gorgeous and spacious, there are big windows with views. He opens the door to a massive walk-in closet. And then, oh look, enter the closet and walk to the back, there's another door. It opens to a room behind the master bedroom. The only way in or out is through the door in the closet.
|It's like Narnia up in here.|
I'm all, "Whaat?"
He's like, "I know, right?" With a giant grin on his face. "That could be useful."
"Is it soundproofed?" I want to know. Why aren't these people asking the realtor the right questions? A list of things runs through my head. Is this room soundproofed, are these beams in the ceiling decorative or can they bear weight? How close are the neighbors exactly?
The wife seems a bit put off by this mystery room. She calls it odd and says she doesn't understand. The husband declares he can make it a man cave. Really dude? A man cave? You're both unadventurous idiots. And really, you're going to put a pool table in there and then invite your guy friends up to your bedroom to walk through your closet? Okay.
They go see some other house that was kind of boring and forgettable. Then house number three, again, into the master bedroom. The king size bed faces massive windows with a view of the gorgeous Alaskan scenery. And then you turn to look at the giant master bathroom. Which you can see into because there is a picture window separating the living space from the bathroom space.
A GIANT PICTURE WINDOW. Um, what?
Like, instead of a regular wall, just a wall of glass, bringing the bath tub, toilet, and shower into full view.
The realtor said it was so you could still see the view even from the bathroom. But I immediately had visions of some Alaskan rich dude with his sex slaves bathing for his pleasure (oh, like I'm the only one who went there?).
The couple said if they bought the house they would have to take that window out, which I can't blame them. I'm close to my husband and we share small quarters. It's inevitable that he would pop into the bathroom to get something while I am showering or brushing my teeth, but no one needs an up close view of anyone going about their business in the bathroom. That's why there are doors and locks. Even I have to draw the line in the kinky sand on that one.
This horribly bland couple bought the middle unforgettable house-- even though I was shouting "Sex room! Sex room!" from my couch, they didn't listen to me.
Things I learned from TV this week, some houses are built for kinky people. And Alaska might be the land of the kinksters.