I mean, who doesn't love boobs? Show me one person who does not at least appreciate boobs, I dare you.
We were at a Burlesque Show this weekend, and really burlesque is basically a vaudeville act that worships the female form. I think it's fair to say that if you don't appreciate boobs then you are not going to a burlesque show.
I went with my husband and a few friends. We ended up running into a bunch of my roller derby teammates.
We had a good time, but as self assured as I am, I could still find myself having momentary doubts about myself.
Wow, she has long legs, mine are way shorter.
How is her stomach so flat? I make a mental note to do some stomach crunches tomorrow to work off this beer.
And of course, they all have fantastic boobs. Or maybe it is just that all boobs are fantastic?
Seems I was not the only woman sitting in the audience comparing herself to the beautiful dancers up on stage.
The lights come up and I turn around to ask my derby girls sitting behind me what they thought and notice that one of them has a panicked look on her face.
Panicked: Hey, do all boobs hang like that?
Me: Like what?
Panicked: You know, like (she makes some crazy gesture in front of her chest, holding two orb-like objects then dropping them slightly lower)
Sober Derby Girl: Um, it's called gravity. All boobs hang.
Panicked: (a bit more panicky) But mine don't!
Tipsy Derby Girl: Like, at all?
Thinking about this the next day I am struck by how absurd this is. You see, Panicked is a helluva derby player. She exudes self confidence out on the track. So now, seeing her confidence shaken, is eye opening. Apparently you can be kick-ass in almost all aspects of life and still be a little insecure.
We start discussing breast size and bra size and trying to describe what our boobs look like while still sitting in the seats we were in during the show.
Finally someone suggests just taking it into the ladies room. And this is how I ended up looking at other women's boobs in a bar bathroom on a Saturday night.
Okay, it was a quick flash, not a big strip tease production. But we are all standing around the crowded little two stall bathroom discussing breasts. What we like about ours, what we don't like. Women we do not even know chime in on the conversation.
I took one thing away from this: Women are nuts!
We think entirely too much about our bodies. Specifically about our boobs. I want to say 8 out of the 10 women involved in this conversation confessed to doing some kind of weird thing to make their boobs look less, or more, or perkier.
Why are we driving ourselves crazy? We had all just purchased tickets to look at other women's breasts (okay, under the guise of a theatrical production, but still)-- why are we being so hard on ourselves?
This is what I declared in a small, crowded, surprisingly clean bathroom in a bar and this is what I am saying now:
No two breasts are alike. Not even your own. But they are all fucking gorgeous. Cut yourself some slack ladies. The only one obsessing about what your breasts are lacking is you. Everyone else is just appreciating, and loving the boobs.