I mentioned before that I love Valentine's Day, well really, I just love having a day dedicated to loving. How could you not like it?
Mr. McKay and I are sort of a no frills couple. We don't stress over getting each other gifts (well, we couldn't afford to for a while) and I really wasn't expecting anything at all for V-Day.
But he surprised me! He had told me he ordered me two gifts. Once I finally got out of him that they were of the 'sexy variety' I didn't feel so bad that I hadn't gotten him anything. I mean really, when he buys sex toys they are for us both, because we are both using them. That's how I look at it anyway.
One arrived in the mail on Friday and he unceremoniously tosses me a little package in a clear bag. It's heavy and at first glance it looks like chains. I dump the contents of the bag. Nipple clamps! I had requested different ones. Right now we have these tweezer-like ones (which are supposed to be good for beginners, or so says my resident researcher over here), and they are all well and good until I move the slightest bit or something brushes against the chain. Then they just pop off, leaving me screaming out and not in a good way.
But now I am staring down at these very heavy, serious looking nipple clamps and my hands get a little clammy.
What am I thinking? I feel like I ask this question on a regular basis.
I test one on a finger and it's a little intense. Like, ow, it kind of hurts clamped on my index finger! I glance over at my husband with an unsure look.
He assures me we don't have to use them. He wouldn't want anything clamped on his nipples after all, he doesn't understand why I would.
But he doesn't get it! Nipples are an erogenous zone. I love having mine touched and played with. Pulled and sucked. Tweaked and pinched. Nothing can get me hotter than driving along in the passenger seat and having him reach over and slip his hand into my top. Caress my breast. Pinch my nipple. Sigh, I am ready to come just thinking about it. (also the fact that we are in the car- windows! Daylight!)
I digress. Back to the nipple clamps. So these seem kind of intense and I am surprised because normally Mr. McKay researches the shit out of everything before making a purchase. He reads reviews, cross references sites, makes sure he is buying a quality product.
Later on that night, he suggests we try them.
Um, okay, sure. He did go through the trouble of buying them after all. I shouldn't just toss them aside and never use them. But I remember the way they felt on my finger.... I'm a little scared.
They are this clamp, with a screw. And I have the screws twisted all the way out. Because in my head I am thinking 'screws tighten' so to have the screw tighter, the clamps would be tighter, yes? And I don't want them tight to start with.
So, screw all the way unscrewed. I place the clamp around my nipple. Shriek, rip it off, throw it on the floor, and start writhing in pain.
I laugh until I cry. Assuring my very concerned husband that I am fine. But maybe I like the idea of nipple clamps better than the actual clamps? This disappoints me.
The next morning I am still talking about how ridiculous these clamps are. I mean who can use them anyway?
I look them up online to read the reviews. We must be doing something wrong! Mr. McKay says these things should come with instructions.
Then I find this picture on the website:
And I realize the screws are to keep the clamps open, not to tighten them. Duh. Morons using sex toys over here, everyone back up.
And this is how I ended up sitting in my pajamas in my living room on a Saturday morning holding my t-shirt up with my chin and putting nipple clamps on myself.