Thursday, July 31, 2014

Discipline vs Punishment- A Spanking Round Table Discussion

Thank you for stopping by the latest edition of the Spanking Round Table, brought to you by Spanking Romance Reviews

Today we are hosted by Thianna D and she came up with the topic of Discipline vs Punishment-- What is the difference to you?

At first, I would say there is no difference to me. When reading a spanking romance these are both hot button words. If the hero walks in a room and tells the heroine "You have disobeyed me, you will be punished." It has the same effect as "You have disobeyed me, you will be disciplined." Yum.

Even the word disobeyed kind of gets my motor going.

They don't mean the same thing. Discipline is following rules and staying within set guidelines. Someone can be a disciplined runner, or you can have a disciplined diet. Punishment is a consequence for not being disciplined.

It doesn't bother me at all if they are used interchangeably in a book. I may even use them in place of one or the other. At the end of the day if a reader is reading a spanking romance I think they will let it slide and won't mince the definition of your words.

I think I went straight to how it applies to reading and writing rather than real life because I do not have a domestic discipline marriage. But that doesn't mean there isn't some type of discipline or any punishments for that matter.

For instance, my husband hates if I use my cell phone while driving (okay, it is against the law and very unsafe-- but people still do it). I never text while I'm driving but I would occasionally make a phone call or two on my way from one place to another. I call it multitasking. Otherwise I have all that wasted time I could have been using while I was in the car!

(Side note- I at one point had a blue tooth, but I ran it over... so yes, perhaps my husband is right to be concerned that I would be distracted while driving.)

He mentioned to me about a month ago that the state that we live in just upped their penalty for cell phone usage while driving. He just casually mentioned it and then gave me one of those looks, no not a look like he would spank me, a look like 'I will never let you hear the end of this, we will be 90 and I will still be ragging you for getting a ticket.'

I am a big girl, I could pay my own damn fine if I happened to get pulled over for talking on my cell phone. But I know my husband would be annoyed and probably disappointed in me too. He's mentioned that it is unsafe and he would like me not to kill myself. So, I would feel terrible if something happened when I was specifically doing something he has asked me not to do. 

Is that a form of discipline? I think so, someone else is imposing expectations on me and I am following them. In this case there is not definite punishment (although the ticket itself would be a consequence), unless you count the fact that he would never drop it, ever.

I also think it works both ways. I am sure there are things he does or doesn't do because I have asked him to. These probably have less to do with safety and more to do with cleanliness-- not that either of us are at all disciplined about the cleaning of our house. But I like to think it is a bit cleaner since I live here.

One thing that I definitely see as a discipline/punishment scenario is writing. When I first started writing I would complain about not having enough time, or getting easily distracted and not meeting the goals I was setting for myself. My husband finally told me to just write, or not to write, but to stop whining about it. If I wanted to do it-- I would find the time.

"You don't understand," I said. "It just isn't that easy."

"Fine, no spankings until you get some writing done."

"Um, what?"

"You heard me."

It actually does motivate me. It isn't like he keeps track of when I am writing or when I'm not, and I could probably easily lie about it. But when I do accomplish a lot I like to share and tell him all about it... and then I usually get rewarded :)

Does he withhold spankings when I haven't accomplished my goals? Occasionally. Mostly he will tease me, but I have ways of convincing him to give me what I want, I just have to work a little harder at it.

Check out the other blogs talking about this topic this week! Thanks for stopping by! 


  1. Fun twist - withholding spankings as punishment. LOL.

    1. It drives me nuts... which I guess is the intention.

  2. I like your comparisons to the runner and the disciplined lifestyle diet. I agree that discipline is more of the parameters when you have a DD relationship. As far as withholding spankings, I do that to my play partner who is a huge masochist. It truly is a punishment.

    1. It is a punishment! My husband can try to say all he wants that we don't have the type of relationship where he holds the authority, but then he does stuff like this... he isn't fooling me.

  3. I commented and Google ate it! Hey! Google ate my homework :D I'll try to remember what I said but I kinda hoped it would show up so I waited and waited. But nope....

    I love that your husband disciplines by removing a perk. I always think that's a great form of discipline...though don't ask me to repeat that the next time a Top removes my being able to read for fun for 2 week. (Almost killed me.)

    And I won't go into a rant about cell phones and drivers because I'm sure you've already heard it from the hubby. :D

    1. That happens to me with comments sometimes too! I hate it!

      So, I don't think my husband knows he is disciplining, so shh, don't tell him. It is infuriating though and I also think he is sort of an evil genius. He is just lucky I love him :)

      No reading for fun?? Two weeks is a very long time! I am glad you survived. Thanks for the great topic!

  4. Yeah, drivers talking on cell phones. Hot button for my hubby, too. In fact, anytime a driver does something unexpected or annoying, he says, "They were probably talking on their cell phone." Loved your article, Casey. And yes, holding back a perk or pleasure as a punishment can work just as well. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks Kathryn! Mine says the same about other drivers... I tell him he sounds like an old man!

  5. It wasn't until seeing your phrase "hot button" that something occurred to me, Casey- I don't like discipline and punishment used interchangeably in fiction because discipline is too close to displease, which for me is a hot button, but not in the positive, sexy way you used the phrase. In fact, my Master avoids the words pleased, displeased because I have such visceral responses to both and not always the most helpful ones lol. I loved reading your post. I LOL'd about driving and using a cell- I never do and it's not because any laws, any rules from my Master (He actually uses the phone while He's driving far more than I'd ever think to) because driving is such a stressful thing that I can't imagine using the phone as I drive

  6. great take on it, Casey!

    Discipline for me, definitely gives me more of an image of training and military and structure.

    Punishment for me , means disappointment, in my self, and my HOH in me. It sucks even worse than the actual punishment.

    I so agree about the texting.
    But I do also talk while in the car.
    Sometimes it is the only chance I get.

    great post!
    hehe, withholding spankings would be my worst punishment ever!