Thursday, December 5, 2013

Finding New Limits

Welcome back! This is a follow up to part one, which you can find here.

Where was I? Oh right, I am at work and anxiously willing the day to go by to get to the spanking that awaits me.

That sounds weird, right? I have to say I think I was equal parts dreading and anticipating it. I make no qualms about being a spanko. I have always thought about spanking and it has always been the ultimate turn on for me. While my husband indulges me, I am always directing. He has gotten more in the habit lately of actually spanking me as foreplay without me having to ask. Or without him asking me first (which is very sweet, but sort of takes me out of the moment). But really, I am very much in charge most of the time. It's a little backwards, but I like to just be grateful that he is trying.

So when he first said he was going to spank me, I thought he would drop it. Then when he didn't drop it, I thought he definitely wasn't going to follow through.

Well now it is the next day, we have both had time to sleep on it and think about things and he sends me this text message that I am up to 70.

Apparently I have misjudged this situation. I am nervous because this sounds like a high number. Surely he had never spanked me that much at once, right? I am really not sure because I never counted.

Then I start to worry about what he'll use. Probably his hand, right? I don't know, we have various implements.

This leads me to my next thought. Will he stop if I ask him to? If it just gets to be too much. I have this number in my head now, 70. What if I am ready to die at 30? Will he stop, or just keep going until he gets in the full 70?

Do I want him to?

Will I cry?

But really, my overall thought is, I am a little bit excited!

I finally get off from work, I walk in the house, not really knowing what to expect. What is the plan here? And I realize, as I have been craving for my husband to take control over situations, I may not really like it. I very much like knowing what is coming next, and knowing I can call the shots. Right now I am feeling a little bit adrift in this scenario.

We go through the normal end of the day conversation. How was your day? What do we want for dinner? Do we need to go to the store? You know, boring married people stuff.

I bring up the debauchery of the day before and his lips quirk into half a smile.

Mr. McK: Are you going to apologize again?

Me: No...

Mr. McK: You could make it 80.

I look back at him, a little uncertain of how I should react. Am I supposed to seem repentant? Am I supposed to act like I don't want this? It seems weird to be happy about it, right?

Mr. McK: What? Are you going to tell me you don't want me to spank you now?

I detect a note of exasperation in his voice. And I get it, how long have I been asking for this? Telling him I want it? And now I seem hesitant and unsure.

Me: No. It's not that. I just-

And I can't finish my thought, because really, I don't know. This is uncharted territory and I feel like I have questions, but at the same time I just want to go with it.

He completely deadpans: Do you want a drink first?

I look back at him in disbelief, is he really asking me this?

Me: No.

I answer honestly.

Mr. McK: You sure? 

He starts laughing, and I finally realize he was joking. I roll my eyes in response and tell him to shut up.

We get dinner sorted out and head into a typical Sunday night. Then he wants to know when I am making the frosting, you know, because I promised another sexy baking session to make up for yesterday.

I ask him if I should wear the french maid outfit again, or something else? I have this insane need to please him right now. And it could be because we are still celebrating his birthday. It could be because I am feeling guilty about wrecking the first time around. But could it be that I am feeling a bit submissive? I feel like I would have done anything he asked right there and then, and it was just completely out of my need to want to make him happy.

It was a strange feeling I don't remember having before. I mean, I always want him to be happy, I love him more than I ever imagined loving anyone. But this was a different kind of need to please.

More feelings to process, more things to think about later.

Right now he says maybe some different lingerie. I agree with this. Part of me doesn't want to relive that part of last night.

Now I have a new problem. What am I going to wear? I start pulling things on and pulling them off. What would he really like to see me in? The answer is yes, all of the above. He really doesn't discriminate when it comes to sexy things. I'm also trying to find something that will be optimally hot for me to get spanked in (which should be easy, because pretty much everything I buy I picture myself getting spanked in).

I prance down the stairs in these crazily impractical underwear that are really just strings held together at the waist. I know he likes them a lot and I put on a matching lacy black and red push up bra. I am feeling pretty sexy.

I get an affirmative cheer as I cross through the living room to get to to the kitchen. He grabs me, pulls me over to him, kisses me and tells me he loves me. I am really just relieved he isn't mad at me. I have an urge to apologize one more time, but really, I don't want to push my luck. I don't want him to think I am doing it on purpose just to get a reaction. Apparently I am a serial-apologizer, and it bothers my husband more than I thought.

When he lets me up for air, I continue on my way to the kitchen and whip up the icing.

Once I am finished I go back into the living room, he smacks my ass and tells me to go get my toys. He smacked me pretty hard, and my ass is stinging, but I am smiling. I am halfway up the stairs and I yell “That counts as one!”

He gets a kick out of that, but tells me no, it does not count.

He tells me to bend over the arm chair in the living room. I am leaning over with my hands on the seat. He puts in the butt plug and also ben waa balls and I am trying to adjust to the double intrusion. I move to stand up, but he pushes me back down. “Well let's get this spanking out of the way.”

Oh, is this happening now? I thought I would get a little more time. Now I am freaking out a little bit in my head. I am not mentally prepared! This is happening too fast!

He gets the leather paddle. Okay, I can handle that. But is he going to spank harder than normal? I am still not entirely clear if this is a sexy spanking or something else. Maybe he doesn't know either, I am afraid to ask.

He starts in right away, and I am thinking, Thank God he's not asking me to count because I would just flat out refuse. That is too much for me (also, bad at math, I would so lose count).

I am counting along in my head though, just to keep track. I dig my toes into the carpet at the initial sting, but it isn't too bad. He gets through the first 10, then pauses and tells me “That was 10.”

I almost laugh at the way he says it because it seems so out of character. I feel the need to answer, I start saying “Okay” but he starts spanking me again and catches me by surprise so it ends up coming out as “Oka- ahhh!”

We get to 20, and I am completely fine. It's a little sting-y, but I start to realize I may have overreacted at being afraid of 70... we've probably gone well past 70 in the heat of the moment, sexy spankings, I just never counted.

It's not until we pass the halfway mark that I start to notice a difference in this spanking. He has kept his hand on my lower back the whole time, reassuring me? Keeping me in place? I am not quite sure why, but I like it there. We're around 40 and I start shifting around a little, especially if he hits the same spot too many times in a row. And I realize any other time he would be asking if I was okay, or he would stop, or he would apologize. None of these things happened.

It's not like I was writhing in pain and begging him to stop, but I was showing signs of mild discomfort and normally that's enough to make him at least ask what I want to do. But he just continued on, the man was on a mission. And I have to say that I found it pretty sexy, and I was getting just as wet as my ass was getting hotter and hotter.

Through the last 10 I know I was making noises. And I was having a hard time keeping my hands down flat. I was shifting from foot to foot, but I knew it was almost over, so it wasn't that bad.

And then it was over. I stood up and he hugged me close. I wrapped my arms around him and put my face on his chest. “That wasn't so bad.” My words come out muffled because I am talking into his shirt.

He kind of laughs, “Did you think it would be?”

I nod my head and tell him I was really nervous. He kisses my forehead and I open my mouth to tell him I love him, but he's giving me a funny look. I tell him anyway and he goes “Oh, I thought you were going to say you were sorry again, and then I was going to spank you.”

This made me laugh out loud.

I took a few minutes trying to explain to him how I felt afterwards. I told him I had been feeling guilty about ruining his birthday, but now I felt better, because even if that wasn't exactly why he was spanking me it just made it seem better to me. He said he didn't really understand. Or I suspect I was making him nervous (feeeeelings!).

Anyway, he pushed me back over the chair, removed the butt plug and we had the hottest sex we have had in a while.

I know we have a pretty great relationship. It definitely isn't perfect, but it is awesome most of the time. And this weekend just made me feel more connected to him on so many levels, I am still picking through it.

It is also making me wonder if this was just a one off, or if he will spank me for other things in the future. I think I am okay with that. I think... maybe.

We all have our limits, sometimes we just need to figure them out.


  1. That post actually made me teary plus I'm smiling from ear to ear. I really like you guys together. It's really really nice. Smile got wider here...I'm curious to how it progresses. Will you talk to him, you know, analyze? I over analyze and my husband really would rather drop it I think. What about you?

  2. OoooooH! *claps* You've found your inner sexual sub and it sounds like your hubby has listened and is trying to embrace his inner Top! Yay for you!

    And the hand at your lower back? YUM!

  3. Yay, he followed through!And you enjoyed it. Happy days.

  4. Woohoo!
    I'm so excited for both of you!
    This was a great step for both of you!

    I can't wait to see where this leads-- so many possible directions!

    I agree with Natasha about the analyzing. My hubby is the same way. :)

    Good luck!!!
    Thanks for sharing!

  5. This is one of the most amazing & honest posts I have read in a long time. What an incredible experience. I can relate to everything you said. The need to process, the submissive need to please that is impossible to describe, the nervousness & anticipation all at the same time. This was a beautiful experience. Thank you so much for letting us in on it. This is the type of thing that makes DD so very worth it to me. I'm really proud of your husband for getting to this place where he could even think of doing this and you for accepting it. :)