Wednesday, September 2, 2015

When You Get What You Need

Things have been getting back to normal around here. Just 3 and 1/2 months (111 days- today, but who's counting?) after fracturing my ankle in three places, I am almost healed!

It's been a long road. But I've never broken anything before, so I guess when I do it, I do it right. I have to head back to the day job this weekend. I will miss having so much free time to write, but it has also given me a taste of what I am working toward.

I came to realize something about myself from having a broken bone and then going through Physical Therapy. I am a liar! I've told more lies in these 111 days than I probably have in my entire life. The words "I'm fine", "Not in pain", "Completely comfortable", and "I don't need anything" were ever present on my lips. 

Thankfully, Mr. McKay has a pretty decent bullshit detector. Three days in and he had me figured out. He would ask me if I needed anything, I would say no, and then he would stare at me until I shifted uncomfortably and would finally admit what I needed. I'm a people pleaser. I don't want to be a burden and I really don't like admitting when I need help.

I am grateful for my husband, and so happy that we like each other because if I was stuck here with someone I didn't get along with then my summer would have really sucked!

The past few weeks have brought a new crop of stressors and concerns. I am finally back to driving and I am preparing to get back to work. I finished up Physical Therapy, but I am still doing all my exercises at home. 

I had a day this week where I stopped at the grocery store for some things for dinner. The entire time I had to concentrate on my breathing in order not to burst into tears. I was just having an emotional day and I was very close to losing my shit in the pasta aisle. Things were weighing on me, and probably got to me because I tend to push it all down.

I got home, and the dam burst. I could not stop sobbing. Like, ugly crying. And let me say this: you know you have a good partner in life if he/she can carry on an adult conversation with you while you're sobbing. I needed to talk things out. I needed to make sure we were living our life on the same page, but dammit I could not get the tears to stop. Thankfully, Mr. McKay did not treat me like a crazy person. 

The emotional afternoon over and done with, I made us some dinner. Then I deflated on the couch. There was talk of dessert.

"Um, can you spank me first?" Hell, if I am asking for what I need today and not living the masquerade of 'everything is fine', I may as well keep going.

If you are reading this blog, I am probably preaching to the choir, but there is a difference between a sexy spanking- for the purposes of sexual arousal, and a stress release spanking. It's mostly sexy spankings around here, and I am not complaining. I will take what I can get. And I very rarely ask for a stress release one (people pleaser- everything is great!), and when I do it is insanely awkward.

We went upstairs. He pulled my pants down and I bent over the end of the bed. The new leather paddle that I love to hate was put to good use. Mr. McKay will spank me until I tell him to stop. When I say "stop", he stops. At first, I didn't like this. Sometimes I wish he would just know. But I found it keeps me more in tune. The whole time I am evaluating, am I good? Is that enough? Should I say stop, or keep going? Once I say stop he won't start again, so I need to be sure.

It started out light and warmed me up, but then as the spanking progressed he started hitting lower. How did he figure that out? Has he been reading up on spankings? Once he caught the tops of my thighs 3-4 times, I was done. Especially when he wasn't understanding the wiggling I was doing to try to get him to move higher.

There is something about just a spanking. And that's it. A hard spanking. Then not having to catch up and change gears and move on to sex and pleasure. It shifted something back into place. I felt realigned. We went back downstairs and I laid on the couch and ate a cupcake with a glass of milk and felt relaxed for the first time in weeks. My ass stung for a good two hours, so I think I called a halt at the right time. 

Things are getting back to normal, but I think I will try to remember to ask for what I need before I'm a powder keg of emotions. 


5 comments:

  1. I'm very glad that it worked out for you, and that Mr. McKay understood and was able to give you what you need. Now I just wish I could figure out how to put that on paper. I've got an anti-spanking hero who has bad experiences with abusive so-called "spankings" in childhood and a heroine who needs that kind of stress relief. They are making me crazy. I'm sure you are familiar with the phenomenon.:-)

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    1. Well, Mr. McKay was never against spanking. He just took a while to convince that it didn't always have to do with sex. Well, I guess I took a while to explain. He understood when I told him, it was hard to tell him though.

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  2. Glad you were able to get what you needed! I LOVE that you are strong and confident enough to ask for it, and to know when to say stop. That's so mature and awesome and just, well, cool. And I hope you're feeling better about everything. Good luck back at work and with writing! XOXO - Alexis

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    1. I'm normally not that confident in asking, I think I was just wrung out! We're figuring out what works for us, it's always a work in progress, right? Things are good, thanks!

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