Monday, December 29, 2014

Things May Be Larger Than They Appear~ Sex Toy Shopping

I hope everyone had an excellent holiday season no matter what you celebrate. I feel like I got positively spoiled on Christmas morning by my awesome hubby! He got me a kindle fire which I have been secretly pining for for a few years now, but being ever practical (my old 1st generation kindle still works, I don't need a fancy new one!), I never asked for one.

To say he hit a home run is putting it mildly! In addition I am also the proud owner of some new toe stops for my Derby skates and a blu ray copy of The Secretary.

I also can't wait to break out the new vibrating butt plug he purchased. I knew about that gift because we were perusing them online one night. Does anyone else do this? Sometimes we will sit in the same room and look things up online and message them to each other. Links to lingerie, sex toys- stuff like that. I feel like it's cyber foreplay. 

Anyway, we were Christmas shopping online- for real, for gifts for the fam. Then we had a few drinks and started sending sex toy links to each other. I decided I would like a butt plug that vibrates, because, well, that sounds awesome! Now I am reading the sizes aloud and it gives all the dimensions in millimeters. What do I look like? A carpenter?

I think I may have googled "How many inches" is whatever millimeters it said, but then I was still just sitting on the couch with my laptop so I only had my imagination to guess of what about an inch was.

I decided to tell him to order me the medium size. I didn't want to be disappointed with the small, or scare the hell out of myself with the large (having my own Goldilocks moment over here).

I send him the link and he says, "You could do the large."

"I can?" My face flushing.

"I don't think you realize how big your other plug is."

Oh, okay. Well if he thinks so, then I will trust him. He always buys all the toys anyway.

Fast forward to Christmas morning. I tear the paper off my new toy and smile up at my husband. He is full on laughing, "I have to tell you what happened!"

Turns out he ordered the large one off of Amazon, they shipped it, he opened it and immediately wrote back to return it. I am giggling because he said he put in the return comments 'This is far too large'. Amazon told him to keep it and refunded his money (nice to know they won't take back sex toys). He ordered the next size down. And to be honest, I still think it looks sort of big, but we shall see.

I know how I'm ringing in my new year! Anyone else get fun toys for Christmas? Or have fun New Year's plans??


  1. OMG, I am cracking up so much!
    Now I am wondering just how big the large and extra large look. ;)

    You guys are so much fun to "watch".

    Thanks for sharing, and good luck wit the next size down.

    1. Well since we still have it, I can tell you, it is GIANT! LOL

      I don't think it would be pleasurable...

      Thanks for stopping by!

  2. My husband and I used to open our stockings to each other Christmas Eve when the kids went to bed, but since moving here we have changed that. We were going to do it again this year because we did end up buying a few fun stocking items, BUT, we couldn't wait and pulled them out WAY before Christmas. We got nipple clamps, and a glass ...ahem...candycane :)

    1. OMG I saw that glass candycane! Let me know if you like it, I was intrigued! We don't foray into the nipple clamps too often. I like them, but it just always seems like so much maneuvering and adjusting- we run out of patience!

  3. OMG. I am laughing so hard my eyes are watering. My kids have asked me twice what's so funny. Amazon told him to keep it and sent the next size down is too funny. I did not know Amazon sold sex toys. LOL Thanks for the laugh and hope you enjoy your toys. Happy New Year and blessings. R

    1. Amazon sells lots of sex toys! It's awesome, right? Well they didn't just automatically send him the next size down- but they did refund him and tell him to keep the large one, LOL. I have no idea what we're going to do with that thing.
      Happy New Year to you too!

  4. That is too funny!!! Note to self on amazon large means LARGE. Morganna Williams

    1. I mean I guess get out a ruler... or know measurements or something.