Thursday, June 27, 2013

Was it Something I Said?


     I think it's true when they say opposites attract. I know it's clichΓ© to say, but I do feel like in a lot of ways my husband is truly my other half. I am very much a glass half full sort of person, optimistic, trying to see the good in every situation. He jumps to the worst conclusions and has a bit of a pessimistic outlook (he also argues that he is a realist not a pessimist, does that make me a dreamist?). This is probably the same for a lot of people. It's a good balance, you really can't have two people who both have their head in the clouds or both think the world is out to get them. I just don't know that it would work.
     We have a lot of similar interests, as our relationship started as a friendship in high school, but personality-wise we couldn't be more different.
     For instance, my husband is a pretty private person. Even with me! Sometimes I feel like I am constantly trying to wheedle information out of him. Me? I am the definition of overshare.
     So when we started delving into the kinkier side of our sex life it seemed a little odd that I kept making him promise me that he wouldn't tell anyone.

     Typical morning after a night of illicit sex acts.
          Me: Seriously, don't ever tell anyone. I would die.
          Hubby: Um, I'm pretty sure no one would believe me anyway. Plus how much of a jerk am I   when all the guys are complaining about not getting any and I'm like 'Hey! Guess what we were doing?'
          Me: I guess you're right, but just promise me?
          Hubby: I promise.
     This conversation repeated itself many times over. 
     
     Then I got invited to a bachlorette party last summer. Personally, I hate these types of nights. I was never one to go to clubs or drink a lot in bars (I mean, I drink a lot, just not at bars where it gets expensive). But I felt obligated to go, it was for one of my friends who was one of the last to get married and I didn't want her to feel like she was any less special than all the other brides I celebrated with.
     Ten of us got a few hotel rooms and a VIP section in a club. The night is pretty much a blur, I am still not sure if this is due to the alcohol or the overall exhaustion I was experiencing from a long, stressful week coupled with being awake way past my normal bedtime. There was lots of drinking, and dancing. I remember getting yelled at a few times for dancing on a table (it was a low table, like coffee table height, hardly something to be reprimanded for).
     Anyway, our night ends around 4am, with five of us at an all-night pizza place outside on the boardwalk. We were quite the hot mess. The bride was sober and miserable. Her cousin was drunk and sobbing. My one friend was yelling at the people behind the counter for not selling soft pretzels. And me and one other girl, whom I had just met that night, were inhaling pizza slices bigger than our heads. We were a picture of runny mascara and sweaty club clothes. I was also carrying my high heels tucked up under my arms so I could keep my hands free to eat my pizza (I must have been inebriated, because voluntarily going barefoot on that boardwalk? Ick!).
     We started talking about sex (because what else do you talk about at a pizza place at 4am?). I decide this is the best time to confess how much I love anal sex. I launch into a description about how much more intense my orgasms are this way and how I almost prefer this to vaginal penetration, when I glance up from my greasy, pepperoni slice to find four perplexed looks of shock. I immediately stop talking. My friend (the soft pretzel demander) starts laughing manically, she can't stop laughing long enough to get words out and just keeps shaking her head over and over. She finally manages to get out “It's so awful!” between gasps for air.
     Now I am embarrassed and defensive. I follow up with “Have you tried it?”
     “Yes! And never again!” Now I am peppering her with questions (which she is not answering, obviously not an oversharer like myself). And I start giving suggestions on “proper preparations.” (I still have not heard the last of that line, it gets brought up at many parties).
     The bride seemed disgusted and annoyed with me (she quite frequently talks about how she hates having sex, so I am not surprised by her reaction), but I peaked her cousin's interest enough to get her to stop crying.
     Our night came to a close soon after this, we trudged back to our rooms and I woke up in the morning slightly hungover and even more embarrassed. 

I shoot a quick text off to my husband 
          Had a great time last night... may have told everyone I like anal.
I hold my breath for his reply. If the tables were turned I would be totally pissed.
          Really??
 Ok, I cannot judge tone of voice in a text, is he mad?
          Um, yeah, I feel like an idiot.
Almost immediately reply-  
          LOL. So when I get a few pats on the back this weekend from the guys I'll know why?
My relief is immediate, at least my husband isn't mad.

     I endure a late breakfast with the rest of the girls, trying my best to act like I am totally cool with the information I shared the night before. Only getting a little red in the face when I am good- naturedly jabbed with comments.
     Needless to say I think I will be forever labeled the kinky friend.
     And once again I need to thank my husband for restoring the balance in our relationship, at least on his side some of our dirty little secrets might actually remain secret.

20 comments:

  1. I'm the same way, Casey. I make my hubs swear not to say anything then I'm the one who opens my mouth. He's the one who sees the glass half-full and I see it half-empty. He keeps me grounded. Nice blog:)

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  2. I can picture the whole scenario. Your husband sounds like a treasure! As much as your friends may have seemed shocked, I bet at least one or two of them were also jealous. :)

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  3. Great post, Casey, and though I'll deny I ever said it, I know exactly what you mean...

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  4. Well, Casey, you have nothing to be embarassed about. Let those (friends?/yentas?) have their sucky sex lives. I loved this blog post!

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  5. ROFL, Casey,I've done something similar myself, and cringe with the memory. Great post.

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  6. LOL I've always 'over-shared' and became known as the one who could hear anything and not react. So I became the one my friends came to with questions.

    So, next time someone teases you at a party, bring up something else. "So, ever used nipple clamps?" If for no other reason than to watch their eyes bug out and their mouth drop open.

    And while they might not say anything, your words will stick with them. Some day their man might suggest something and instead of saying "ewww", they might think - "Hey! Casey does that, maybe I should give it a try."

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  7. So I totally remember a moment like that. We were at a party and I said how my husband and I sneaked off to have sex behind a palm tree at the Luau in Hawaii, and everyone just stared at me, no comments at all. Later my friend said, "You do know you said that in front of a room full of women who DON"T have sex with their husbands, don't you?"
    Definitely jealousy.
    And I love anal too (you might have guessed that already).

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  8. Wow! Thanks ladies! I guess we are all on the same page with the oversharing. LOL. I like the way you think Thianna, I'll be changing the world one prude at a time.

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  9. Great post, Casey!
    I am totally the same way!
    And my hubby is my opposite also. He is the level headed, think before answering guy.
    Yeah, everyone respects him a lot!
    I'm the flighty, cute one.
    :)
    And I've overshared too! LOL
    Fun to think about ten years later :)

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  10. Mention anal sex and everyone comes out to play! I was reading your post then half way through got a message on FB so went there and when I came back, my eye went immediately to anal sex. I was like What! Start again.

    Love this post! I too love anal sex. Not sure you can tell from my books… :) But I've never said it out loud. I once told a friend by accident that my husband and I were using the back room to get kinky (it's the farthest from where the kids sleep and spanking is not quiet). It was just so natural until it got quiet and I looked at her and she looked at me and I go "OMG, TMI - sorry" I didn't even get into what exactly I meant by kinky!

    ROFL!!! Awesome post. Ah the memories you'll have of that moment for the rest of your life…and every time you look at these women! :)

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  11. Great post Casey. I agree with Renee. Jealousy :)

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  12. I stopped talking about my sex life in front of my so called friends because they constantly said things like, "You know when you have to fake one?" I titled my head to the side and tried really really hard to not sound like a b* and said, "I'm really sorry you do, but I don't."

    Yeah.....the amount of people I know who aren't having sex or at least not good sex is astonishing.

    Great post Casey!!! ;P

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  13. I am tickled by how much you guys liked this post! They probably are jealous, I just don't understand having boring sex, or disliking sex.

    And I had to thank my husband again last night because he has been saying to me since I started my blog "Did you post about the bachlorette party yet?" He still thinks this is one of the funniest stories.

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  14. I think it is so weird that other people really haven't explored these options. That was the first thing I explored after regular plane old sex. Guess I was kinky almost from the start (I was 17.)

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  15. LOL did I really just say "plane" old sex! That takes things to a whole other level! Haha! I meant plain old sex!

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  16. I love this post! And my propensity for anal probably comes through in my books as well. lol

    We pretty much got labelled the kinky couple before I ever met my husband. He, apparently, spanked a date who happened to be friends with a co-worker's wife. Long story short, just before we were married, I walked into the breakroom to meet the guys and was welcomed with a round chorus of, "It's Mrs. Spanky!" Whether they know how much kinkier the rest of our sex life is is anyone's guess. I haven't been back to the breakroom since.

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  17. Haha "plane old sex" Corinne, can't say we've tried that yet.
    Maren the guys at work probably have no clue how kinky it can get.
    My husband and I know we are labeled the kinky couple- as well as the weird couple who actually like spending time together. I'm ok with this.

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  18. I can imagine your embarrassment the morning after. I think you could turn this whole scenario into a work of spanking fiction though...

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  19. I loved this post too, Casey. That is all.

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