It seems everything happens in clusters. At least in my life it does. I think we just passed through the wedding cluster. This was where not only us, but almost every single one of our friends and a bunch of cousins all got married within a 5 year period. My husband and I can work a cocktail hour with an open bar like a synchronized dance at this point (“I'll go get our drinks and make friends with the bartender. You go find the waiter with the mini hot dogs. Meet you back here in 10!”).
It was such a fun and exciting time! Weddings, dancing, friends and family. We were all starting out new chapters in our lives, pretty much at the same time, who could ask for more?
Then the cluster of home buying started. We helped so many people move (I am not helping anyone move ever again, I love you all, please hire movers). We collected lots of second hand things to fill our rented townhouse with. We were not financially stable, we were lucky we were making the rent most months. Buying a home is still not in our immediate future.
Now we are crossing into the having babies phase. Everyone is having a baby, and if they are not having a baby, they are talking about having a baby. I want this too. We have always talked about having kids, we know we will eventually have a baby, but we don't need to do this just because people expect us to.
People expect us to? Yes, you read that right, it is apparently expected of us that we produce children. When we were dating people would always ask if we planned on getting married. These questions never bothered me because yes, in fact we did plan on it. These questions bothered my husband, probably because I think it falls more on the guy sometimes to propose and get the ball rolling, also because he hates it when he feels like people are telling him he should be doing something. So when we would be asked by well meaning family members and friends of the family about an impending marriage I would indulge their curiosities. Even more so when we were engaged. You want to know wedding details? Sit down, I will tell you everything you want to know!
But now we are getting questions about babies. When are we doing this? Also, unwanted advice (You don't want to be an old mother!). To the point where I want to tell everyone to mind their own business. My husband said to me the other day, “Since when did it become socially acceptable to ask me if I am screwing my wife without protection?” Because in the end, that is really what these questions are. It feels like an invasion into our personal business.
Here is the thing, I am turning 31 one next month (!). Did I think I would have a baby by now? Yes. Maybe more than one? Yes. Do I have the occasional freak out that my eggs are going to shrivel up inside of me, leaving me barren, never able to produce children? Oh, dear God, yes! (But only occasionally.)
I've mentioned before that we got off to a rocky start financially. We are finally, after close to four years of struggling, both gainfully employed. It's still a surprise to have money left at the end of the week to buy pizza if we don't feel like cooking. We can afford to go out for drinks with friends, buy tickets to the burlesque show, buy things for ourselves other than the bare essentials.
We are even planning a little vacation. Probably a long weekend, somewhere we can drive to, but we are still going away!! We never even had a honeymoon. So yes, let us enjoy each other, with a little extra money to spend. Not that the last four years haven't been fantastic, but I will not miss the money related stress.
A friend of mine said people are just curious, it's something to talk about when you aren't sure what to talk about. That's fine, but when you ask if we are planning on having a baby yet and I say no, stop pressing me. Because I will list all my reasons of why it is not the right time for us. And then when you say “There's never a right time.” I will want to scream.
So right now we are not planning a specific time. We are being very unplanned and just enjoying the moment. I'm not asking you about your sexual activities, please don't ask me about mine (unless you happen to stumble onto my blog, where I will just tell you all about mine!). Oh and I just joined the roller derby, and I hear it would be hard to roller skate while pregnant.