Tuesday, June 4, 2013

The Real Me


     I had a disastrous thing happen to me on Saturday. I was clicking around on the internet, minding my own business, checking out Saturday Spankings, and then I hopped on facebook. I commented on a wall post and then I got a pop up box that said I needed to log in again. So I type in my password and now I am sent to a page that says I need to verify that I am a real person.
     Whoa, hold on a second here facebook! Why are you thinking I'm not a real person? I get that I have an account under a pen name (apparently in the fine print it says you can only have one account and no fake names, who knew?), but why are you thinking my pen name is the fake one and not my other account?
If anything my Casey McKay account is the farthest from fake I can get. It's the only place I can be the real me.
     Which is why when told I needed to verify that this was my real account by identifying which of my friends were tagged in pictures- I broke into a cold sweat. Here's the thing, to anyone reading this who doesn't know, most spanking fiction authors are not using their real names. So if you aren't using your real name, you are not posting a real picture. Telling me I need to identify who is in what picture is more than a little bit tricky.
     I feel like a weak person having to admit this was giving me heart palpitations. I don't want to be locked out of my Casey account! I'll miss my friends! I won't know what's going on! I feel like I am being punished for something I didn't do, I am three seconds away from stamping my feet and slamming doors.
I appealed to my husband for some help. Not only is he very tech saavy, but he is also very 'damn the man', will not live his life by a set of imposed rules kind of guy. Surely he will know a way around this facebook glitch! When I told him what happened I was met with a blank stare (my hands get clammy), and then I get, “Well what did you DO?”
     Commence stamping of feet. Why are we even suggesting this is my fault? I didn't DO anything!
If facebook really wants to see fake they should look at my regular account, that's where all the fake stuff happens.
     To person I haven't talked to in five years wishing me a happy birthday and suggesting we get together: “Definitely!”- I don't mean this, really, you haven't talked to me in five years. Now that facebook reminded you it was my birthday you decide we should get together? I don't even know why we were friends in the first place.
     To my aunt who writes on my wall that it was great seeing us at the recent family event: “We had a great time! See you again soon.” Lies, lies. Unless you consider a good time being cornered by various family members who all want to know why you haven't reproduced yet (post to follow), gotten a better job, or done anything else they would find worthy enough to gossip about. In fact, if I was aiming not to be fake, I would also add that I didn't really have that migraine that made us leave the party. And we are already plotting a good excuse to get out of the next one.
     I rarely sign on my regular facebook account. For a while my newsfeed was all full of wedding pictures, which can be fun to look at, in small doses. Now it is all full of baby pictures, which can also be amusing, also in small doses. But I am quickly realizing I am of the generation that documents their life in photos to specifically post on their facebook. I feel like a jerk when I say, I really don't care that you are running your seventh 5K of the year, or that you went vegan (yay, you! I just ate an entire stick of pepperoni), or that you went on yet another awesome vacation. Looking at my regular facebook makes me feel like a jealous, jaded, spiteful individual, and that is not the real me. When I'm Casey I am free to be me. I can talk about sex (or not talk about sex), I can be sarcastic and silly, and not worry that I am being judged.

     To end my tale of woe, I did indeed verify to facebook that I was a real person (thank you author friends who tagged yourself in your own book covers!). Hopefully I won't run into this problem again, but even if I do, you can rest assured I will find a way back!


  1. Casey, you said everything I feel and you said it all beautifully. Thank you for posting this! I hope FB gets the stick out, I'm glad to see you're back. :)

  2. Thanks so much! I'm glad I'm back too, who knew we were being policed so closely?

  3. Amen, Casey.
    I feel more real on my blog, and around my spanko friends, then I do around my family and friends.
    Well said. Here's to being real!

    LOL, we have to get very creative with our escape excuses.
    Good luck at the next family gathering.

  4. lol about the pepperoni! Mmm.

    Great post.

    Though I think a great deal of life, period, is having to say appropriate things when we don't really mean it. It is nice when we can find avenues where we don't have to do that.

    Anastasia Vitsky

  5. Hi Casey,

    Every word you say is true for me as well. Natasha is way more real than my real life persona is. I often sit talking with people and my mind wanders off listening to the conversation as if I weren't a part of it and I think 'WTF? What are they talking about? I'm bored and I don't' care about the color of that blouse or the whatever! Boring!' I've blogged about this before too and it's tough sometimes (often) to have to keep such an important part so secret and sound like the dullest person on the planet.

    But how people react you can't predict no matter how well you think you know them. I know for myself, I will come out one day - maybe not too far in the future. I'm organizing a Spanko Pride Parade, did you know? I've got one person from my 'real' life at the front of the line! I adore her. Those friends are few and far between.

    Ok, totally rambling! I love my spanko friends. LOVE them. I think they're more honest and real than any of my 'real' life friends.


  6. I'm feeling the love ladies! Katie- we should trade some excuses to get out of boring parties, its good to have them at the ready!
    Ana- Wouldn't it be great if we could actually say what we wanted to say? Well, without anyone getting pissed off.
    Natasha- I have heard of this Spanko Pride Parade you're planning. Count me in, but I want a float, I'm not walking.

  7. Yes yes, I agree with you and everyone else who commented. I spend 10 times the time logged in as Renee Rose, because, as you say, that's my real self!

    I cracked up about your husband saying "what'd you do?". At my last corporate job that was our standing joke-- the IT guys invariably said, "What'd you do it?" anytime we had a problem!

  8. Casey,

    I think you probably spoke for all of us there, and in a wonderfully frank, refreshing yet humorous way.
    Thank you.