Monday, March 9, 2015

Sleep Crimes

I was thinking about something today. I was thinking about how it can be a completely unnatural thing to learn to sleep with someone when you have not shared your sleeping space with another soul in your entire life. 

Even now, Mr. McKay and I have been living in the same space for about six years, and before that we shared a bed quite often. But it seems we still can't get the sleeping arrangement thing to be completely copacetic. 

I'm a cuddler, I like to be close. But I am also a light sleeper and the husband is a tosser and turner. He also doesn't like to cuddle. This problem is easily solved because we have three cats so I am never at a lack of someone to cuddle with, but occasionally I do creep over to his side of the bed and intertwine my limbs with his. It always ends up waking me up because I inevitably get jostled when he starts his nighttime acrobatics routine.

Our other problem is he stays up later than I do, so most nights by the time he has made his way to bed I have already taken over most of the real estate. Apparently in my 20 some odd years of sleeping alone I decided settling in a diagonal manner across the bed was the only way to sleep. This proves to be difficult for one's husband to then wrestle his way into the queen sized bed that his lovely queen has now claimed for herself. Normally he can just poke me, or bounce the mattress and I will awaken enough to get back over to my own side, pull a cat close and fall back to sleep.

Last night was a different story. We were in the car today and I am thinking about a conversation I thought I remembered happening in the darkened shadows of our bedroom. But sometimes I am not quite sure if I dreamt something or if it actually happened.  I'm trying to sort this out when I turn to him and ask, "Was I trying to cuddle up with you last night?"

He scoffs in my general direction and takes his eyes off the road enough to roll his eyes at me. "No! You were taking up the whole bed, I couldn't even get in, and you wouldn't move."

I laugh at this, but apparently it isn't funny as he shoots me another glare. "I was sleeping!" I protest. "You should have just woke me up."

"I tried to! I shook you and moved your arm and tried to slide in next to you, but you elbowed me!" He says this with such outrage that I burst into giggles. Like it was such an offense to him that I elbowed him in my sleep.

"I'm sure I didn't mean to elbow you," I say, trying to smooth over the situation. 

He scoffs and shakes his head again. But this does explain why in the middle of the night I woke up to him calling me ridiculous. Apparently I was involved in some heavy sleep combat.

I just reminded him that maybe he should get to bed earlier and give me some proper cuddles before I drift off to sleep. He had no comment to that, because he knows I'm right.

Does anyone else have this problem sharing a bed? One of us is usually stealing the covers, snoring, or not obeying boundaries. Throw in a few cats and its a wonder anyone sleeps in this house!

I remember when I was younger my dad's aunt who had been married and divorced a few times said she wanted to meet a man she would like to spend the rest of her life with. But she wanted them to have enough money that they could have separate wings of a house. Because she didn't need him up in her business all the time. I still think this is pretty funny, I like having my husband next to me, I can't sleep when he isn't there. 

Plus, if he's in a different wing then I would really have to plan out sexy time! No sleepy, half awake sex just because you're both there and willing. It isn't the most romantic of times, but sometimes the spontaneity is my favorite!

So what's your take on sleeping in the same bed? Does it get any easier?


  1. It gets a little easier, but it's never as comfortable as sleeping alone. My husband snores. I hog the bed (according to him). I'm cold and need lots of covers; he runs hot and tosses them off. I like the window open (when it's warm enough), he's worried about security.

    When I was a kid having dinner out with family, my aunt and uncle got into a fight in the restaurant after she remarked that she'd given up her side of the bed when they'd gotten married. He didn't remember her sacrifice and she got really pissed. At the time I thought she was silly for getting mad at the time--but I understand it now!

    1. Yes! We have the same hot/cold thing. I actually fold a blanket in half to only put on my side under the comforter. Most times he will pull the comforter off himself (and me) and toss it to the floor! I keep a spare blanket on the floor next to the bed for this exact reason.

      The story about your aunt made me smile. See? It's rough learning how to sleep together! Thanks for the visit.

  2. We have a king-sized bed but separate single duvets with different togs to handle our unmatched body temperatures plus the restless tossing off of covers. It works really well, until one of the kids slips into the middle of the bed and complains about the lack of duvet. We both snore, according to each other. He twitches terribly in his sleep, whole limbs leap about, bouncing me up and down on the bed. Although one time I complained a lot about it, it turned out there had been an earthquake in the night and it was nothing to do with him. I like cuddles, but he gets too hot. So I happily accept a hand resting on my butt, which he obliging squeezes from time to time.