Thursday, September 25, 2014

Some Rules Aren't Made to be Broken- The Anniversary Blunder

I sit here on the eve of mine and Mr. McKay's fifth wedding anniversary. I had thought about writing a mushy post for tomorrow about how we met, how I think I did love him from the moment I saw him and how that eventually scared the shit out of me. I like to think we have this pretty sweet "The Notebook" style love story, only without the hidden letters and evil parents keeping us apart.

Anyway, something far more important happened that has brought us into such turmoil I felt the need to blog about it.

I bought him a present.

And he didn't buy me one.

I guess in any normal scenario the problem would lie in the obvious fact that one of us purchased something for the other and the receiving party bought nothing in return.

No, I think the important thing here is the obvious breakdown in communication. And that is kind of a rarity with me and Mr. McKay- we are normally right on the same page.

Let me take you back five years ago to the night before our wedding. We had discussed beforehand how we were not getting each other gifts (we were actually surprised to learn that some people getting married exchange gifts on their wedding day)- we were paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves and we had nothing left over. So agreement made- no gifts!

I spent the night before our wedding making a guest book for the reception (that barely anyone signed)- I felt stressed out and behind and had no time to relax. I couldn't wait to be married! But all the little stuff leading up to it was getting ridiculous.

Mr. McKay spent the night before our wedding writing me a letter. Yes, he wrote me a very long and heartfelt letter, that made me cry and still makes me cry- because who does that??

So day of wedding: he slips me this envelope and tells me to read it later. I freeze "We said no gifts." Panic. I have nothing!

He assures me it isn't a gift. 

Then what is it? 

He explains he just wrote something the night before because he was thinking of me (which I would hope one would be thinking of their bride the night before their wedding- but clearly I was too busy sniffing glue sticks to give my soon to be groom a passing thought).

I feel like shit. I try to give it back. I try to convince him it will be better to exchange letters on our one week anniversary.

Nope. He made this gesture of love for me and I dropped the ball.

I want to clarify that he did not care. He was looking for nothing in return. I just felt like a jerk. You know like when someone has a gift for you and you didn't even think it was that kind of party?

Since then we have not exchanged anniversary gifts. It has been a rule of ours. It was largely in part to the fact that we have been flat broke most of our marriage. But also, exchanging gifts is just stressful and we end up having to do it at Christmas, so why make life more complicated?

But then a few weeks ago he mentions that we are coming up on Five Years, and that's a big thing and he feels like he should buy me a gift.


No, no, no. I try to talk him out of it. But he is not swayed. He's going to get me something.

I kind of forget about it, and then he brings up the gift thing again a week ago.

Now I pounce into action. This is not going to be like our wedding day all over again with him giving me something and me standing there all awkward and unprepared. I don't want to be the jerk again.

He's kind of hard to shop for, so I brainstorm and think I have come up with a pretty great gift. In fact, I can't believe I have not thought of this one before. (I will tell you guys after I give it to him what it is.)

I casually mention yesterday that the thing I ordered for him didn't come yet. His head snaps up. "What thing?"

And then it dawns on me, he never got me anything.

He starts pestering me with questions and I try to play it off. My mind is reeling, did I misunderstand what was going on? I didn't just make this conversation up in my head.

We spent a large part of last night with this weird tension between us. I feel terrible because I feel like I misunderstood (although, how one misunderstands the words 'I am buying you a gift' I don't really know).

He claims his mention last week was further intel, trying to suss out if I got him something. Apparently I played it so cool and aloof he thought we were sticking by our rule and not exchanging.

I later informed him that this mentioning last week is what spurred me into panic mode and had me furiously shopping for The Perfect Gift.

I went up to bed last night leaving him behind his laptop with a pained look on his face as he searched around the internet for that 'special last minute purchase for your wife of five years'.

He would not listen to me that I don't want anything. I would not listen to him to return the gift I bought (that sounds like a lot of work I do not feel like doing).

I offered to save it for Christmas or his Birthday, but then mentioned he is banned from looking at the order history in the Amazon Prime account for all of those months, so that won't work either.

And this, my dear friends, is why if we have rules we should stick to them.

I guess it is something that we are fighting about gift exchanging in reverse- neither of us wants anything. But still, this is more drama than I need... I should just stick with buying new lingerie.


  1. I know it's stressful. I know it's drama. However, your post really made me smile. You guys sound like my husband and me. We typically don't do anything on our anniversary ether. In fact, it's taken 19 years, but this last March was the first we that we remember what day our anniversary was on the day rather than after. lol

    1. I'm glad it made you smile! I think we are past the stress. I pretty much gave him his gift and told him to shut up. Tomorrow is our anniversary and we are using a gift card we have from Christmas to go to this fancy place we can never afford!

      I think if you appreciate each other every day then an anniversary doesn't really seem like that big of a deal. I think that's the way it should be!

  2. LOL, Casey, My hubby and I are the same way!
    Happy Anniversary!

  3. I read this out loud with Megan and her husband and we were both Ooohhhhh'ing at the same time. It IS hard and even if it's your husband and you know each other better than anyone else, it's still stressful when it comes to gifts/no gifts, what gifts..etc...It's strange and you'd think it shouldn't' be anymore but there it is.

    1. I don't want to do gifts for anything anymore, so much stress over nothing! I am laughing at you both ohhing at the same parts. Haha, do not mention that to Mr. McKay, I think it will embarrass him.

  4. Oh God, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has major gift anxiety. It's actually why I hate Christmas. We don't do anniversary gifts either, but we have some years, bought ourselves a gift together (rain water harvesting barrels, you know, romantic stuff like that). LOL