I feel like this accurately sums me up. I mean who really likes to be told what to do? I know I don't.
But kinky fun is a whole different story.
Over the last year or so I have been exploring more and more what makes me tick. I've been writing the spanking romance and have had numerous conversations with Mr. McKay about domestic discipline relationships, dominant/submissive relationships-- all this stuff, trying to figure out where we fit in.
He usually just lets me talk and tries his best to look interested. He will weigh in with his opinion, but most of the time will let me talk myself around in a circle and then we go about doing the same things we were always doing. Which is fine, it works for us.
The one thing that I have been emphasizing though is that I really do like to be dominated. I got a raised eyebrow from my husband at this statement. He is probably thinking back on the many, many times when he has tried to tell me what to do and he got a very pissed off woman on his hands for his effort.
So then I clarified. Being dominated turns me on. If we are fooling around, I tell him, don't hesitate to take charge, I like it.
You know what? He listened. It's been nice.
Then once in a while I have one of these "Be careful what you wish for" moments, where I am like- Why the hell did I have to tell him that?
This was one of those moments:
A few weeks ago I had everything happen at once: I was trying to finish a book (a self-imposed deadline, but it felt important), I was coming up on my first real roller derby bout, and my mother ended up in the hospital.
All three of these things combined and I was barely sleeping. I was holding it together, but the one who got to pick me up when I couldn't keep it together anymore was my partner in crime. And he took it all in stride. He was more patient when I snapped, he was more understanding when I cried, and he tried his best to get me to take care of myself.
The only thing is when you are trying to get someone to take care of themself you are telling them what to do. And sometimes that is not always well received.
Towards the end of this hellish week, I was exhausted. But I got it into my head that we needed to have sex. The only thing that would make me feel better was making sure we were still doing what we like to do.
It was late, I was tired, but I was gung-ho with my plan.
I suggested some sexy fun, and was promptly told that I should get some sleep instead. We would have time tomorrow.
That sounded a hell of a lot like someone telling me what to do.
So I stripped off my clothes and stood in front of him in my matching blue and black lace bra and thong.
He looks me over appreciatively: "Were you wearing that all day?"
"Yup," I say and give him a little shake. I want this to happen and now it feels like it's something I want to win.
"Nice," he says. But then reclines back in the bed and continues perusing the channels on the TV.
For real, dude?
I climb up on the bed next to him and nonchalantly brush up his side.
He gives me a sideways glance, "Oh, so this is happening now?" He's not annoyed, more amused, but looks slightly exasperated.
He follows up with, "I thought I was in charge?"
Hmm, well, he's got me there. I was the one who said that right? But I never thought it would be used against me.
I blink back at him. Should I just give in and go to sleep as requested, or do I push a little?
He makes up my mind for me and presses me into the bed, delving his fingers past my panties. He slips my bra off and laves my nipple with his tongue.
I reach over to the top of his shorts, wanting to return the favor. He pushes my hand away, "No, I'm good. This is about you."
Um, what? I try again and get the same response. I get annoyed and try to push his hands away from me.
He grips me with the hand that is in my panties and just says, "Don't."
I drop my hands.
Just one word coupled with his hand tightening over me and I am a puddle of mush.
He moves on, rewarding me with multiple orgasms. It didn't take me long to get over the one-sideness of it. I felt awkward at first that he wasn't letting me do anything in return, but once I gave in and really let him take over I felt more relaxed.
I think it was the best night of sleep I had all week. I woke up feeling re-energized and relaxed and ready to take on the world.
Don't worry, we did have a part two the next night. And I showed him just how thankful I was that he likes to take care of me.
Even if I yell at him sometimes when he tells me I should eat something before practice...