Recently I discovered that one of my new friends, Katie, has a birthday the day after mine. We talked about how it would be fun to celebrate together. Here is my imagining of how things would really go down if someone was stupid enough to leave us unsupervised.
Happy Birthday Katie!!
I adjust the top of my strapless dress and lean back into the seat of the limo with a sigh. Katie bounces on the seat beside me. I reach my hand out to stop her bouncing, “Dude, chill out.”
She scrunches up her face at me, “I'm not a dude. And sorry, I'm just so excited about our party!”
I smile and reach for the vodka. Pouring two glasses I hand Katie one, “Here, have some of this vodka that Natasha sent us. Maybe it will calm you down.”
Katie takes the glass but doesn't drink, she sniffs the contents then pulls it away from her face, “I don't know, what if it makes me sick. I usually just drink wine.”
I down the contents of my glass and refill it, “It's virtual vodka, it won't make you sick.”
She looks at me skeptically, “Virtual vodka?”
“Yup, virtual vodka, in this virtual limo, that we are taking to our virtual party.” I down my second glass of vodka, hoping I am indeed right about the virtual-ness not being able to make me sick. Otherwise there might be virtual vomit all over the place later. I'm all nervous and excited and I am hoping the social lubrication will help. I feel Katie poke me in the arm and look up to find her staring at me intently.
“What are you doing?”
“If this is all virtual, why do you look so real?” She questions me, then she looks around inside the limo, “Is this really happening, or did I fall asleep at my laptop?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don't know, don't overthink it.”
Katie sniffs the vodka again and tentatively takes a sip. “I'm only going to drink half of this JIC your wrong about it making us sick.”
“JIC?” I ask.
“Just in case!” Katie replies and collapses into giggles.
I roll my eyes at her but can't help laughing as well, “Do you have to abbreviate when we're really talking? I get confused enough online.”
Katie keeps giggling, “You love my abbrevs! Plus I thought we were still virtually talking, not really talking. You're confusing me again.”
I think I'm confusing myself, “Sorry.” I pick up the gift bag from the floor beside me, “Here, I got you a present. I was going to wait until later but I'm too excited.”
Katie takes the bag and commences bouncing in her seat again. “You got me a present?”
“Well it's actually only part of your present. I hope you like the other part.” I'm becoming nervous that I may have missed the mark with the second part of her present. Katie has become a really good friend, but we've only known each other a short time. I decide to stop second guessing myself and take my own advice to not overthink things. Besides, it's too late to change my mind.
Katie searches through the tissue paper in the gift bag and pulls out my gift. “Spank- Me panties!!” She waves them around in the air. “Thank you!”
She throws her arms around me, squashing me in a hug. Then she picks up her purse and folds the panties into a little square before tucking them inside. “I can slip these on under my dress later.”
We begin talking about what we might expect at our party and before long Katie is back to bouncing in her seat. Her excitement is so infectious that I can't help but join in. The two of us are bouncing and giggling and getting very carried away. I end up bouncing too high and smack my head on the roof of the limo. I scream out an expletive, clutching my head, all the while laughing at my own stupidity.
Katie begins laughing so hard she falls off the seat with a thump. She is rolling on the floor clutching her stomach, laughing loudly, when the privacy screen between the front and the back of the limo is lowered. We are both sent into stunned silence as the window continues to lower, Katie is still sprawled out on the floor, her polka dot dress bunched up around her waist, her legs splayed out before her.
As the window is lowered a young Sean Connery is revealed. He is wearing a black tux, navigating our limo through the streets as he simultaneously holds us both in a stern gaze in the rear view mirror. I hear Katie audibly gasp and my stomach does a flip flop in anticipation of her reaction.
“What on Earth are you ladies doing?” Mr. Connery questions us in an authoritative tone. He fixes his stare on Katie. “Why are you sitting on the floor. You should be in a seat.”
Katie remains staring back at him with her mouth hanging open. I try to nudge her with my foot, but she still doesn't respond.
“I tried to get her to sit down, but she wouldn't listen,” I begin, “she was bouncing around and she made me hit my head. I think she's a little over excited.”
Even though I am the one talking he doesn't release Katie from his gaze, she continues staring back in stunned silence.
“Is this true, young lady?” He directs his question at Katie, “Are you the one causing all the trouble?”
I kick Katie again, harder this time. She is finally shaken out of her stunned state, but all she does is raise her hand in a wave. “Hi,” is her reply.
I let out a snort as Mr. Connery shakes his head in disapproval. “We're almost at our destination. I'll deal with you then,” he says, then he raises the divider again.
I pull Katie's arm and haul her up onto the seat beside me. “Was that?” She's pointing towards the front of the limo and she's looking at me in wide-eyed amazement, “But, he's not that young anymore.”
I shrug, “Virtual reality and all that.”
“Huh,” Katie says as she nods her head.
“Hi?” I ask her, “Was that all you could say?”
Her face breaks into a wide grin and she holds up her purse, “I should add- I am so glad I have an extra pair of panties!”
I start laughing and a look of realization dawns on Katie's face, “Hey, was that part of my present?” She gestures towards the front.
I nod as I feel the car slow and come to a stop. We both turn to look out the window.
“Ohh, is that the banner Addy made?” Katie asks. And I look up to see the giant banner that reads 'Happy Birthday Katie and Casey!' hung over the entrance,welcoming guests to our birthday spank-a-thon.
I stare out the window in wide eyed amazement. There is a red carpet leading up to the entrance of the party. Many of our online friends are mingling, greeting one another before heading inside. I see Corinne hustling a band in through the side door and Renee is standing at the entrance holding a clip board, checking off guests as they arrive. I am overwhelmed by how accepting and welcoming this community of friends is. I feel Katie grab my hand, “This is so cool,” she says.
Just then, the view out the limo window is blocked by Mr. Connery's imposing figure. He opens the door and I feel my breath catch, Katie squeezes my hand.
He leans down and offers me his hand, pulling me to my feet. I give Katie one last reassuring squeeze before I release her hand and stand, smoothing my dress around my legs.
Katie scoots along the seat to exit behind me, but he stops her with his hand. He turns to me, “Please, go enjoy your party. Katie will join you momentarily. We have something to take care of first.”
I choke back a laugh at Katie's wide eyed reaction. She's just realizing that she may be getting exactly what she wished for.
I wink at her and say, “Hey, Katie! HBD!” She smiles back at me, “TTYL!” I wave and catch her mouthing 'thank you' back at me before Mr. Connery pushes her further into the limo and slides onto the seat next to her, shutting the door behind him. I can't help the momentary pang of jealousy. He is much taller and broader in real life (or at least virtual real life) than I had imagined. I give a wistful sigh as I allow myself a second to think about what those strong hands could do. Katie is one lucky bitch!